2016/01/28

The Wizard, part 2 - more WTF wizards.


  1. Necromancer Lawyer: speaks with the dead, rational and analytic mind, legal schooling, calligrapher, occasionally has a hint of divination and charm about her.
  2. Renegade Necromancer: raises the dead, walks around with the dead, wears black eye-liner, plays with corpses, likes cemeteries.
  3. Snake Charmer: charms snakes, plays pipes, stays in the outback a lot, talks to snakes, carries sticks, throws sticks, talks to snakes some more, eats odd cacti in the desert.
  4. Undead Hunter: tests to see if people are dead, undertakes quests to make sure they stay dead, speaks in a gruff, creepy voice, likes puppies, carries a crossbow or something.
  5. Bloody Wizard: talks about blood parasites, washes hands compulsively, talks about blood, bleeds people, cackles, washes hands some more, eyes bulge.
  6. Shadowy Wizard: wears a stained trench coat, whispers of secrets beneath his coat, likes staying in shadows, whispers that he can show you his precious.
  7. Petromancer: likes rocks, talks to rocks, has a pet rocks, likes geology, turns things to stone, finds the joke are you "living or stone" funny.
  8. Shrub Wizard: talks to shrubs, turns into shrubs, plays with shrubs, eats shrubs, sings to shrubs, smokes shrubs, dances naked in the shrubs, sleeps in shrubs, looks like a dirty shrub.
  9. Daemon Summoner: talks of "the fools, the fools", cackles, talks to the empty air, likes books, overpays old books, likes chalk and dribbly candles, dies horribly, reappears, has no friends.
  10. Trickster: talks about magic, conjures bunnies and flowers, likes penguins, can tumble and juggle, cuts girls in half, bakes big cakes, has a very small car.
  11. The Alchemist: talks about the wonder of creation, states vague statements very pronouncedly, claims the gold is inside you, invites you to be the stone of philosophy, talks more, writes an advice column.
  12. Telekinaesthete: shapes himself into funny shapes, stays in funny shapes, starves himself, sits a lot like a lotus, says reality is an illusion, sometimes floats, adventures on the inside.
  13. Witch: has a cat, talks about women's rights, burns chastity belts, curses at men, stands up for herself, is scary, floats, doesn't visit the Beautymancer enough.
  14. Electric Wizard: plays with electricity, surrounded by a fuzz, speaks with a droning bass, likes to talk about the Electric City of long long ago, keeps talking about doom.
  15. Battle Wizard: talks about tactics, carries little model armies, carries dice, has advice for generals, disdains swords, war is a game of chess between great men.
  16. Herbalist: talks about peace, talks about flowers, eats flowers, smokes herbs, suggests poultices, likes wine, wears tie-dye robes, has a hat of many herbs.
  17. Technomancer: talks about clocks, tinkers with toys, builds golems, runs golems, runs from golems, has replaceable tools.
  18. I, Technomancer: believes he is a golem, wants to be human, builds golems, runs golems, has irreplaceable tools, has poor complexion.
  19. Mind Bender: has bulging cranium, has bulging veins, has bulging eyes, screams, gibbers incoherently, points and screams, gesticulates wildly, bends things.
  20. Heavy Metal Bard: is deaf, has long hair, has leather pants, has bad bass and ace axe, screams, growls, screams some more, jumps up and down, bangs his head (sometimes into lintels).
  21. Forgetmaster: forgot something, loses keys, has odd number of socks, keeps forgetting secrets, dribbles rumors in odd places, bad with libraries, loses libraries.
  22. Iron Wizard: iron wizard is heavy, iron wizard does not move, iron wizard is carried by slaves, iron wizard is ancient, iron wizard shares truth on iron wizard's punch scrolls.
  23. Astrololomancer: foretells many things, looks at stars, draws stars, has stars on robes, speaks of star stuff, sniffs star stuff for inspiration.
  24. Pictomancer: speaks to picts, draws pictures, makes life-like pictures, drains lives with pictures, summons pictures to life, draws exits, talks to pictures.


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