UVG: The Caravan Sheet

The UVG (my patreon) has grown a lot over the weeks and I got some friendly editing input from Skerples, and from that I realized I needed to restructure the introduction, so that the UVG makes sense to somebody approaching it without prior knowledge. And make a table of contents.
I've been doing that.

I've also been using a dagger axe to carve kobolds into kibble.

I have also been working on a very early design goal: creating a mid-level pointcrawl caravan game for the UVG. A traveling precursor to the fortress/stronghold game that D&D assumes (assumed) at level 9.

I've finally done most of that, revising and clarifying the rules, but especially, making a caravan sheet to track animals, helpers, supplies, inventory, trade goods, time, speed, and group finances.

It seems simple, but that and the actual map of the pointcrawl forced me to revisit so much of the setting, that the work just ballooned to take weeks of my time. It was fun, but also frustrating (I have piles of discarded maps and caravan sheets now).

Quick Breakdown of the Moving Pieces

The caravan is like a group character for the players, or perhaps a joint mobile base of operations.

Helpers are a bit like special abilities for the caravan, except squishy and prone to dying. Transport covers porters, animals, and wagons, it’s required for moving heavy things (like food and water) long distances.

Time is a key factor for making a journey into the steppe feel big, and inventory is simplified to focus on supplies and trade goods. Take note that I refer to the coinage simply as cash. Assume that 1 cash = 1 gold piece or 1 silver piece, whichever is the base unit in your game. Supplies are a mashup of water, food, and other essentials to keep humans going in the steppe.

I also propose the sack as a unit of stuff for D&D approximately equal to all the equipment an adventurer with 10 Strength can carry. Or 2500 cash in D&D 5E.

Does all this sound fun? Do you want to support my art and gaming? You can.

Yes. A Patreon.

Vaults of Vyzor: Post-species Integration and Education Society

The Vaults of Vyzor is an on-going, epic, multi-player dungeoncrawl run by Jeff Rients of the Broodmother Skyfortress.

My character there is a lotfp specialist named Big Gnome. Big Gnome is a gnome, and is convinced he's a gnome, and tells everyone he's a gnome. He's also over six feet tall. That's ok. His red hat is two feet tall, so he still looks like a gnome. I rolled Big Gnome with straight 3d6 and ended up with absolutely average stats (all 8, 9 or 10), except Constitution. Big Gnome has 18 Constitution. That's why he's so huge. As a specialist Big Gnome is terrible at combat, but he does have one thing going for him: he's an expert tinkerer. He has a 6 in 6 pips of tinkering. In lotfp terms that means Big Gnome is the MacGyver, the tinkeriest gnome he could be. Also, he carries a shovel for tinkering with larger traps.

Now, the PIES.

An utterly unrelated gnome to Big Gnome, named Unrelated Gnome (crypto-biomancer, AC 9, HD 6, can cast Flesh to Lichen, which is a spell wholly unrelated to Flesh to Stone and also less permanent), introduces the Post-species Integration and Education Society (PIES) to Vyzor. At PIES anybody can learn what it is like to belong a different species-cultural complex through a combination of deep drinking, high hypnosis, timely training, pedantic practice and metagenetic magic (may involve surgery).

At PIES any character may acquire some quirky aspect of another species, culture or race, for a fee. For example, one could acquire the halfling throwing weapon bonus, the dwarven bonus against giants, the elven affinity for lyres, the human resilience in the face of ridiculous odds, or some other weird, stupid shit. Or at least try to.

The first visit to PIES costs 300 gold, the second 600 gold and the third 1000. A 'training' regimen takes 1d4 weeks (no adventuring during this time). After the first visit roll 1d8, after the second 1d10, after the third 1d12.

PIES Result Table

1. pinnacle of perfection! You acquire the new trait and master it even better than most ordinary members of that species! You can throw rocks better than most halflings (e.g. +2 with thrown weapons)
2. dang good. You acquire the new trait, but with an additional quirk. E.g., yes, you are very good at throwing, just like a halfling, but you're especially good at throwing black rocks (e.g. +1 with thrown weapons, +2 with black thrown weapons).
3–5. you have mastered the trait you were after.
6–8. you have mastered the trait, but with a quirk. E.g., you are very good at throwing red objects. Only red objects. Even if they're still wet with paint, you're good at it (e.g. +1 with red thrown weapons). Or, you can detect new stonework, so long as it is brick or metamorphic rocks. Igneous and sandstone? You don't understand those.
9–10. you acquired a weirdly specific and half-useless random other trait. E.g. you are no better at throwing objects in combat, but now have a bonus skipping stones on water or perhaps when playing boules.
11. you learned nothing. Seriously, you just blew all that money and time. Well done.
12+. you learned nothing, but developed an irrational fear or awe of that particular species. E.g. you are now afraid of halflings and are at -1 when attacking them.

A full list of traits does not exist and depends on your negotiations with the DM.

A Fourth Visit

Unrelated Gnome will strenuously advise against a fourth visit because he doesn't have a d14 or d16 on hand, but will be convinced by a payment of 1500 gold to give the PIE protocol another spin. The mad mongrel trying to modify themselves further must succeed in a Petrification Polymorph Constitution Death save with a moderate DC (say 15) or the procedure is a catastrophic failure and they must roll on the ...

Catastrophic Dismutation Table (d12)

1. Death.
2. Brain replaced with rodent. Death.
3. Heart is now an incendiary device. Explosive death in two minutes.
4. Liver is now a sentient goat. Death in a few hours.
5. Death and corpse becomes a cannibal zombie ravaging a local pig farm.
6. Skin is now a cloaker. Also, probably death.
7. Torso replaced with shrubbery. Probably death.
8. Arms and legs turn into mushrooms. Probably death.
9. Hair replaced with stubby, super-agressive, auto-cannibalistic venomous snakes. Regular culling and antivenom required. Or death.
10. Eyes replaced with holes of annihilation. Blindness. Possibly madness.
11. Whole body replaced with identical synthetic soulless sterile clone. Character is now a prisoner operating the replacement body with their thoughts. Madness may ensue.
12. Head grows seventeen arachnid limbs and runs away from body, screaming. Character is now an autonomous head. Can only have 1 hp per HD.

Necropolis: d100 Treasures Liberated from the Sack of the Burning City

This is an excerpt from the Necropolis - a tomb-raiding supplement I am writing.

Loot from the Burning City

“It was a glorious sight. The temples of temptation, the libraries of lies, the palaces of perfidy. All were judged and levelled and made even. Legionaries and auxiliaries alike found satisfaction. Reason smiled upon Iks in those blood-red days.” - Leveller Titanká’s Diary of a Reasonable Person.

Referee: this table simulates the looting of Ébét. It is not a balanced table of starting equipment and in theory, a player might decide to retire a hero immediately after they roll on this table. That’s fine (and could be amusing). If you are using an alignment system, I would not allow any good-aligned characters to roll (unless they wanted to change alignment).

D100 Treasures Liberated from the Debauched City of Ébét

1. You died, probably alcohol or sharp metal poisoning.
 Your identity was stolen by a filthy Ebeteen. Gain 100 shekels and roll on the Ebeteen background table.
2. 100 cursed shekels that age the thief by a year every day. Each day one coin disappears into a greenish mist, taking a piece of the accursed one’s soul with it. When the thief finally dies, they are reborn as a ghoulish revenant driven by an unholy greed.
3. 1d4 clay I.O.U tokens and incapacitated by poor alcohol. Permanently lose 1 point of Con and Dex. constitution or dexterity damage.

4. 5 rotted Ebeteen hands and murderous hangover. You are permanently vulnerable to alcohol. Your first adventure, all your physical activities or activities requiring intense concentration, are at a disadvantage—but you gain a 20% XP bonus.
5. A clay pot filled with ghoul teeth and a permanent -1 to all poison saves. It’s unclear what happened, but the hero has a 10% XP bonus on their next adventure.

6. 6 golden rings worth 60 shekels, and 1d4 healing potions. After desecrating a still-active Ebeteen temple, became vulnerable to Ebeteen curses for 1d6 weeks.
7. 1 lucky shekel (grants advantage to Charisma saves) and the life-long enmity of a local Ébéteen nobleman. Disadvantage to reaction rolls with Ébéteen, advantage to reaction rolls with Iksans.

8. Accidentally murdered a Mornari mercenary over a game of Crippled Hazelnut, and ended up owing 500 shekels to the Levellers who got you off so easily. Also, the Mornari have your number now. Still, you did get a magical neckerchief from the ‘accident’ that provides advantage to saves against ropes. 
9. 1 shekel and a broken heart, trapped by an Ebeteen eunuch-succubus named Itebebotok.
10. 1d6 shekels and a disease. The disease is [d4]: (1) venereal, (2) intestinal, (3) psychosomatic, or (4) a curse. In any case, the disease depletes one ability score of choice by 1d4 every week until the services of a physic or shaman are purchased for 1d6 x 200 shekels.

11. 
1d8 shekels and a severely [d4]: (1) sprained ankle (disadvantage Dex checks), (2) pulled muscle (disadvantage Str checks), (3) fractured rib (disadvantage all physical), (4) amorous Thirsteen henchperson of absolute incompetence, unshakeable loyalty, and immense luck.
12. 1d10 shekels and a nasty rash that reduces [d4]: (1) initiative by 1d4, (2) Strength by 1d6, (3) Dexterity by 1d8, or (4) Charisma by 3. A topical cream costing 1d6 x 30 shekels should take care of it in 1d4 weeks.

13. 1d12 shekels and a bad burn (1d4 hp and Charisma damage).

14. 1d20 shekels and a rat named “Leviticus”. The rat can’t talk, can it?

15. 2d6 shekels and a purple gem (50 shekels) gouged from a marble statue of a [d4]: (1) minotaur lady, (2) sea cucumber deity, (3) octopus creature, (4) fat Ébéteen child-eater.

16. 70 shekels and a brand of sale gifting the hero’s soul to a demonic creature named simply “The Orchid”. The Orchid manifests as a nightmare vision each time the hero levels, granting a 1 point bonus to one ability score and permanently taking 1 hp and one loving memory as a soul bond. The Orchid leaves behind a sickly sweet floral smell after each manifestation.
17. 2d8 shekels, a malachite mace (20 shekels) and a minor rotting disease. The disease afflicts the [d4]: (1) hand, (2) face, (3) foot, or (4) other appendage, and deals one point of damage to one ability score of choice per week. It can be cured by an Iksan doctor or an Izvoreni artificer at the cost of 1d6 x 300 shekels. Alternatively, amputation also works.

18. 2d4 shekels and a scroll for “the summoning and banishment of flesh-eating beetles”. The summoned variety is useful for mortuary or medicinal purposes.

19. 2d10 shekels and an Ebeteen bone-golem bolter rod (100 shekels). It deals 1d10 damage, is long range, and renders a corpse’s bones into d4 ‘bolts’ of bone.
20. 13 shekels and a cursed black axe of Vile manufacture. On moonless nights the axe turns into a many-headed cat-like creature and sings eerie songs of forgotten vistas. By day it hums and thrums, begging for souls to eat. With a loud scream it consumes the soul of every creature it kills, increasing its critical range by one for each soul eaten. It can hold a maximum of 13 souls, souls beyond the thirteenth are dissipated in eruptions of black hate that deal 1d8 damage to every creature in a 20’ radius (including the axe’s slave). One eaten soul dissipates into the void every day. Every day that the axe is without a single soul, it eats one point of Str and Cha from its slave.
21. 70 shekels, a pound of divine flesh, a memory gap, a pounding headache and a vague feeling of unease at having set in motion something. It was [d4]: (1) nothing and that’s donkey meat, (2) a bloodbath happened at an Izvoreni surrender dance and somebody saw the hero, (3) a pact with a machine demon from beyond time who will come back with a deal the hero can’t refuse in 1d6 weeks, (4) a ritual involving dark magics, amateur brain surgery and a sentient lungfish has summoned an embarrassing plague upon the city. It will descend in 1d4 weeks.

22. 2d6 shekels and a cache of three ceramic-and-ivory slaggers: throwing arcane bombs that deal 2d6 damage in a 20’ radius and fuse flesh to stone. It takes a creature fused to a stone surface 1d4 damage and a round to free itself.
23. 2d8 shekels and a bone knife inscribed with an incantation in the ossified tongue (“the Naga King also rises”). It [d4]: (1) is a non-magical fake, (2) makes snakes friendly to the wielder, (3) progressively turns the wielder into a lizard creature over six weeks, (4) deals double damage to the undead, but draws their attention to the wielder.
24. 2d20 shekels and a water-steel sword with the water rune (ossified). It deals double damage to fire and air creatures, but half damage to water creatures.

25. 2d12 shekels and a red-and-blue bow with multi-colored arrows. The red arrows deal double damage to red targets, the blue arrows deal double damage to blue targets.
26. 2d10 shekels and an Izvoreni rifle of exceptional make and age. It deals 2d6 damage, is long range, holds eight clockmetal rounds, and in an act of Cosmic justice jams every time it deals 2 or 11 points of damage (it takes a round to unjam it).
27. 3d6 shekels and an Ebeteen whip of living flesh. The whip is imbued with the vile power of the Great House and transfers 1d4 hp from the victim to the wielder every time it strikes.
28. 4d4 shekels and a Flying Spear of ancient and vile make. The spear can be thrown three times the normal distance. At the end of the next round it picks itself up and flies back into its master’s hand like a faithless hound dog out of some disgusting Ebeteen racing brothel.
29. 3d8 shekels and a fine bronzed Ébéteen cuirass (medium armor, 100 shekels).

30. 3d10 shekels and a suit of Ebeteen bondage armor (light armor, 100 shekels, advantage to certain Charisma checks).
31. 3d12 shekels and a blood-spattered set of Ebeteen Red Plume courtesan robes (light armor, 150 shekels, hiding space for 1d4 small items).
32. 4d6 shekels and a heavy suit of celadon and lapiz scales engraved with Poems of Vitality (heavy armor, 150 shekels, restore 1d6 hp or one level of exhaustion, once per day).
33. 3d20 shekels and an Ebeteen prince’s oddly lascivious armored bodysuit (light armor, 150 shekels, restores virility once per day in an amusingly grotesque manner).
34. 4d10 shekels and a biomechanical suit of armor created from a Doghead’s body stretched over a chitin pseudo-skeleton (medium armor, 150 shekels, provides advantage to Str checks).
35. 4d8 shekels and an Ebeteen sorcerer’s ghost armor mankini (light armor, 150 shekels, absorbs one blow per day in a vulgar display of power and converts it into magical energy ready for casting). The mankini is cursed and will grumbly dreadfully at any attempts to conceal it, eating through clothes and armors, so that all may gaze upon its leopard-spotted glory.
36. 3d10 shekels and a lapiz lazuli shield studded with small silver mirrors (200 shekels) that provides protections against heat rays and gaze attacks.
37. 5d6 shekels and a suit of alabaster golem armor (heavy armor, 2,000 shekels, disadvantage to melee attacks and all fine movements, 30 bonus hp).
38. 3d10 shekels and a platinum eyeball (100 shekels) inscribed three times with the Solarcity pictogram “opening, unlocking, unbarring”. It is magical and can [d4]: (1) open a door smeared in the bearer’s blood (1d4 hp), (2) awaken a corpse pumped full of fresh air (3 charges), (3) release a bound soul from an undead creature with a long, loving glance (at the cost of 1d4 points of Wisdom), (4) replace a living eye and grant the ability to see the auras of the undead even through the closed lid of a sarcophagus. The implantation procedure is painful and traumatic.

39. 4d8 shekels and an Ivory Spine that can cure paralysis. It sinks into the flesh of the recipient, replacing the original organ and restoring mobility. The recipient gains 1d4 Constitution but loses 1d4 Dexterity.
40. 4d10 shekels and a set of ghoul teeth set into an accursed mouth implant. The teeth meld into the mouth of their owner and regenerate 1d6 hp every time the flesh of a new sentient creature is eaten. Over time the owner loses all their hair, and their eyes shrink into small, desert-adapted slits. It’s pretty gruesome.
41. 4d12 shekels and the gruesome Egg of the Flowering Flesh. Implanted into a body, it grows into a semi-sentient prehensile tentacle, which can be used as a third hand. The tentacle can only be removed with bloody butchery and restoration magics, even then it also causes the permanent loss of 2 points of Constitution.
42. 5d10 shekels and the Ceramic Chest of the Livingwater Duke. This decorative cuirass is an incredibly powerful Izvoreni healing suit, which can restore a dead human to life or keep a grievously injured warrior alive. The ceramic chest sends out feelers of glistening tubing, which intertwine with the recipient’s body. Ceramic platelets and wires spread and create a body that is faster and stronger than before. Removal of the ceramic chest always results in the death of the recipient and the recipient can only wear customized armour, due to their altered body shape. The ceramic chest counts as light armor and grants a +1 bonus to Strength and Constitution. However, the wearer also becomes vulnerable to electric attacks.
43. 4d20 shekels and an anthracite bas relief of a particularly disgusting ritual, that does actually permanently increase Dexterity by 1d4 points. It is a dreadful ritual, though, costing 2,000 shekels and requiring 3 shacklemind servants. Spoiler alert: servants don’t make it at the end.
44. 5d8 shekels and the Singing Flute. A golden flute golem that can be commanded to sing on its own.
45. 5d6 shekels and the Gloves of Bronze and Steel. One glove grants a +1 bonus to all melee attacks, the other grants +1 fire damage to all melee attacks. Both gloves together can be used to create fire-shadow-puppets.
46. 140 shekels and a resilient large jug of light-green crystal filled with an amber liquid of preservation. Inside is a pair of authentic elven feet, thousands of years old. They’re just feet. Not magical or anything.
47. 3d20 shekels and a dust-stone spearhead that whispers of a long-dead vizier who walked through walls and drank the blood of kings (250 shekels).
 Mounted on a proper haft, the spearhead can strike ghosts and other spirit creatures.
48. 6d6 shekels and a five-pack of totally legal cut-price 10 shekel single entry passes for the Necropolis, with proper Party seals and everything.
49. 42 shekels and a hand-signed edition of Mostly Harmless: A Guide to the Dead Among Us. Studying the book closely, and experimenting on three different undead, grants resistance to energy and blood draining attacks.
50. 6d8 shekels and a very authentic-looking forgery granting the status of Leveller Colonel in the Iksian military, as well as two official cleansing licenses (worth 95 shekels each).
51. 6d10 shekels and a full set of original, germ-bonded papers certifying the bearer 
as a bona fide Comrade of the Levelling Bureau, granting permanent customs-exempt de-imperializer status. How or why they seem to be completely legit is a mystery that should remain between the Hero and the Bureau.
 The Bureau also now refers to the hero by their reasonable name of Truthfire.
52. 6d12 shekels and an original Brotherly Society of Expeditious Transportation tattoo that marks the bearer as a member of the malodorous smugglers who viciously avoid the customs and taxes due to the people of the Reasonable Republic. Being caught by the Levellers will not end well.
53. 25 shekels, a sapphire worth 2d100 shekels, and an Iksan get-out-of-jail-free chit given for extraordinary services rendered in the liberation and redistribution of effects.
54. 6d8 shekels and an Iksan License of Resurrection and Reanimation, a rather valuable permit.
55. 6d10 shekels and five scrolls of Cure Symptoms, and one ceramic tile of Cure Disease.
56. 7d8 shekels and a 33% share in a public-private partnership chartered Iskan troop boat. The other two owners are Brina, a Strupeni herbalist, and Marasa, a Kamini wool merchant.
57. 30 shekels and a small ebony chest of mummy dust (1d10 doses). Inhaling the mummy dust gives a +1d4 Wisdom bonus for a day. Con DC 10 save or become addicted. Addiction applies a -1d4 Wisdom penalty every day without mummy dust. Might be better to sell this stuff.
58. 4d20 shekels and an apprentice child captive named Malorop, said to be of the blood of the Glorious Architect. The child is skilled at [d4]: (1) nothing, truly an accursed child that seems to have an uncanny knack for not dying, (2) thievery and spite, (3) tailoring and the dressing of hair, (4) painting so accurate that the child looks uncannily like an incarnation of the foretold Doom Painter, who shall paint such an accurate depiction of Iks the Ninth, that it will trap the First Secretary’s soul upon the canvas, killing him.

59. 3d12 shekels and the friendship of a BFF of the Goddess of Love you saved from certain destruction. The BFF gives you advantage to saves against poison, so long as you regularly give a small token of appreciation.
60. 1d30 shekels and a fellow claiming to be the wandering King of Yore gave you a lodestone that will grow warm when near the Circle Gate in the Necropolis. It could be used to navigate the Necropolis.
61. 3d10 shekels and a sultry war captive (500 shekels) named Asitomislit. The captive is a skilled [d4]: (1) merchant, (2) scribe, (3) singer, (4) medic-eunuch.

62. 6d12 shekels and an elderly captive (200 shekels) named Nisokopatlit. The mangy slave is a capable [d4]: (1) butler, (2) gong farmer, (3) architect, (4) poisoner. Poisoner? That could be dangerous.
63. 2d6 shekels and a couple of sultry captives (400 shekels) named Begotodip and Begesemip. They are [d4]: (1) deft thieves, (2) bumbling bricklayers, (3) mournful morticians, (4) an aristocratic brother and sister with a powerful revenant looking out for them.
64. 2d6 x 10 shekels and a captive spear-lover (150 shekels) named Bogetenimat, of [d4]: (1) exceptional beauty, (2) heart-breaking ferocity, (3) violent moods, (4) dark and hidden secrets involving a flesh parasite given into their keeping by the Hidden Priests of the Flesh God.
65. 1d6 x 10 shekels and an Izvoreni slave named Odtod, who is an [d4]: (1) accomplished mechanic, (2) grand historian, (3) capable administrator, (4) golem pilot.
66. 4d20 shekels and a Doghead slave named Misi, of [d4]: (1) magnificently soft fur, (2) gloriously sharp teeth, (3) a silent and inscrutable mien, and a talent for avoiding traps and ambushes, (4) incredible intelligence and potential that will be utterly wasted if she is kept as a mere slave (if turned into a PC, roll 5d6 and drop lowest two dice to generate Intelligence).
67. 2d20 shekels and an attack ghoul (AC 12, HD 2+2, vicious) on a chain, along with a lapiz command wand blood-bonded to a lazuli nail driven into the ghoul’s brain. The ghoul is named Kritibotek.
68. 3d12 shekels and a luxuriously furred dancing Doghead slave named Boba. The dancing slaves gives advantage on morale and fear saves.
 Why you would make a Doghead slave dance in the middle of a tomb … I don’t know. I just don’t know.
69. 4d12 shekels and a comfort golem (AC 10, HD 2, elegant) named Ease-becomes-you. The golem is immensely and intensely skilled and pneumatic.
70. 1d8 x 10 shekels and a slave skeleton (AC 12, HD 2, bronze-plated) named Clackers.
71. 1d100 shekels and the souls of 2d20 hapless Ebeteen that died in the accidental burning of a beerhouse that may have been caused by the ‘hero’. Not like vengeful shades of the dead would ever pursue the hero. Oh, also acquired a large dunite beer stein that magically refills itself with blood red ale every sunset and every sunrise.
72. 5d12 shekels and an invisible servant named Cherob, who whispers suggestions about dangers and threats (advantage to perception and insight). Cherob may be imaginary. Cherob sometimes whispers downright creepy suggestions.
73. 7d10 shekels and five pieces of rancid space pie. The space pie grants disadvantage on physical checks for a few hours, but also invisibility to undead.
74. 7d6 shekels and four sachets of blue lotus. Each sachet grants 1d4 temporary spell slots and disadvantage on all perception checks for a day.
75. 7d8 shekels and four cakes of red chung. Each cake grants 1d6 temporary hit points and disadvantage on all persuasion checks for a day.
76. 7d12 shekels and three vials of medicinal mercury tincture. Each vial gives advantage on poison and disease saves for a day.

77. 7d4 shekels and two bottles of rational water. Each bottle grants immunity to one drain attack for a day.

78. 2d4 x 10 shekels and six saving grace lilies. Drunk as a herbal infusion, they give advantage on acrobatics checks and dexterity saves for a day.

79. 1d4 x 20 shekels and two cakes of motor chung. The cakes give advantage on initiative checks for a day. They are addictive (Wis DC 10) and expensive (100 shekels per cake).
80. 5d12 shekels and a full bottle of Vim, twenty big gulps’ worth. Drinking a gulp of vim gives advantage on the next attack or save. Only one gulp is active at a time.
81. 5d20 shekels and two full tins of pre-packaged VigorTM. VigorTM is a processed meat product created from the offal of the Living God Itself. Lightly grilled it fully restores a sick or injured person to health, and as a burnt offering it can reattach a soul to a body.
82. 10d10 shekels and three Mortadellas of the Immortal Flesh, processed from Godmeat by the cannibalistic Ebeteen. Conveniently, each mortadella can be thinly sliced to restore up to 20 hit points in 1 hit point increments. A single slice can also purify water. Weird, yes.
83. 4d6 shekels and a god-debt deed to a studio apartment, fit for one, in the Diorite Port (40 shekels per year)
84. Four copper pots and a god-debt deed to a slum tenement, fit for ten or a hundred, in the Diorite Port (300 shekels per year).
85. 8d12 shekels and a god-debt deed to a small farm with a few slave tenants in the Delta. Could be a cushy retirement (200 shekels per year).
86. 100 shekels and a god-debt tablet to a fine house, fit for ten free humans, in the Bronze Heavenly Bullock district of Ébét (250 shekels per year).

87. 1d4 shekels and a god-debt deed to the hamlet of Under the Feet of the Destroyer of the Impudent (500 shekels per year) in the estuary of the River of Life. A hero can resell the deed or retire to live the life of a landed liberator. The impudent Ébéteen peasantry will probably not be friendly.

88. 1d10 shekels and a blood-stained cloak of silken darkness that grants advantage against melee attacks in the dark, the cloak is also embroidered with a map of the Tombstone Trees of the Scribes (all scenes are known, advantage to open a few locks and disable several traps).
89. 1d100 shekels and a map of the Streaked Ziggurat of the Watching Cat (all scenes are known, advantage to open a few locks and disable several traps) tattooed onto a skin-fish mask. Wearing the mask grants limited waterbreathing.
90. 7 shekels and seven sticks that turn into seven serpents (AC 13, HD 1, venomous) that slither into a map of the Glass Pyramids of the Six Piece Queen (all scenes known, advantage against a few locks and traps).
91. 5d12 shekels and a golden rod that protects the holder against paralysis and has a map of the Gilt Domes of the Eunuch Princes (all scenes known, advantage against a few locks and traps).
92. 4d10 shekels and an unbreakable porcelain mask. If fed the blood of a virgin beast, the porcelain mask can turn its owner’s face bright crimson for a day.
93. 8d10 shekels and a dragon ivory amulet of the Ghost-rank that gives advantage to hit noncorporeal creatures.
94. 93 shekels worth of gold dust and a jade and gold phylactery, ready to receive a hero’s heart. While a hero’s heart is in the phylactery, the hero’s body is vulnerable to turning and exorcism, but even if reduced to 0 hp, the hero’s soul flees to the phylactery and can possess a new ‘willing’ body.
95. 9d10 shekels and a map of a Kingdom of Heaven accessible through a submerged visage. The map is engraved upon the reflecting eyes of a feathered snake (AC 14, HD 2, bite of Sleep).
96. 9d10 shekels and an ancient golem-powered war chainsaw (disadvantage on melee attack, deals 3d6 damage on hit, double against zombies, cleaving weapon).
97. 99 shekels and an unholy parasite of the Dead Flesh God. Ingesting the parasite permanently reduces Constitution by 1d4 points, doubles the healing rate and provides complete immunity from magical corruption. Ebeteen curses are twice as effective against the parasite host. Additionally, the parasite can hold one spell in its neural net. If the host’s hp drop to 0, the parasite will try to take control (Wis save DC 14). If the parasite takes control, create a second character for the parasite. The parasite wants to reanimate the Dead Flesh God, but has no idea how to do that, being a mere bundle of impulses and mind control protocols.
98. 10d10 shekels, the god-debt deed to a strong and stable plucky little temple (50 shekels per year) and an original copy of the recipe for opium of the masses, the cheaper substitute for reason. It can be used to produce a panacea that provides resistance against depression, ennui, and mortal terror—the perfect tool for a charlatan.
99. A small chest filled with bloody gems and gore-smeared pearls of exquisite value (worth 1d100 x 1,000 shekels) and a god-debt deed, legally transferred to the hero with signatures in blood, for a barony on the shores of the Cyan sea (20,000 shekels per annum). If the hero chooses to retire immediately, give the next character a suspiciously rich uncle and 10x the starting cash.
100. The hero came out of the looting with nothing, save a simple linen smock or robe. All their shekels, all their equipment, disappeared in a rainbow haze. A vague sense of dreadful certainty fills the hero that all material things are mere illusions. The hero is now completely immune to all diseases, curses, and demonic possession. Additionally, the hero acquires equal XP for ritually destroying wealth, as for carousing (save that ritual wealth destruction carries no risks of mishap).

Ultraviolet Grasslands: 100 Misfortunes on the Road

This is an excerpt and remix of rules from the Ultraviolet Grasslands. My patreon-supported psychedelic metal space rock steppe crawl rpg thing. I know, I know. I slightly change the description every time. Bear with me, it's too long to remember!

A key design goal of the Ultraviolet Grasslands is to make a rule-and-content kit for running a really long-distance RPG adventure. I'm talking transcontinental distances. A large part of that involves adjusting time (weeks) and supplies (simplified) to make long distances feasible. Another part is borrowing from games like Oregon Trail (or more recently, Death Road to Canada), to make the dangers of long journeys in horrible conditions more tangible for the heroes.

Thus: Misfortune.

I use Charisma as a proxy for luck (and divine providence) and use weekly Charisma checks or saves against relatively easy target numbers (DCs) to see who gets in what trouble. I also warn players in advance that this kind of shit will happen in the adventure. If they take precautions, buy extra supplies, and generally take wilderness travel seriously, I let them use their survival skills to help their roll.

Suggestion: Let each character save individually, then roll for a single misfortune for the whole group. Imagine the joy of half the party clumsily wandering into a cactus patch to relieve themselves during the night. Thanks to Frotz Self and David Shugars for the suggestion.

Here is a compilation of 100 misfortunes from the Ultraviolet grasslands.

1. The hero caught sight of the Face of Death. Their body is translated into a salty burn shadow and a flickering soul-echo of their existence remains suspended in the air. Nothing short of a Wishful Dream or Wish can restore them, for their human essence has been ripped into the shreds of the Ignored Tower’s distortion. Singed possessions and belongings remain, tossed as by a grim tide.
2. Got the runny blues, a depressive digestive disorder (-1d6 Dex and Con).
3. Picked up tendril tapeworms.
4. Got an infected sore on the muddy road.
5. Pick-pocket attack, lost something precious.
6. Fell in love with a swamp wisp.
7. Nice shoes ruined in a deceptive bog.
8. Luckless character sprains an ankle (+1 day).
9. Lose 1 slot of supplies to a sharp-toothed rodent pack.
10. Catch a rattling cough. Noisy, but harmless. A patent medicine (5 cash) should cure it.
11. Bitten by a scorpion spider trying to make a home in a smelly boot (poison, Con save DC 3d6, disadvantage on physical checks for Δ6 days).
12. Unfortunate hero sprains shoulder (+1 day).
13. Lose a beast to a pack of wild dogs.
14. Get a bladder infection (-1d4 Str).
15. Infested with ash-lice (-1d4 Wis).
16. Metal armor has rusted (-1 AC bonus).
17. Red eye from the irritating dust (-1d4 Dex).
18. Preventable with proper eyewear.
19. Horrible blisters (limping).
20. Beast found with seventeen two-inch cubes cut out of its flesh, it is severely weakened (+2 days or leave it behind).
21. Nasty nettle burns (-1d4 Dex).
22. Sat in an ant nest (-1d4 Cha).
23. Ripped pants on some cinder slag.
24. Infected cut on hand from sharp shard (-1d4 hp).
25. Δ4 supplies pilfered by monkey-handed canids.
26. Sat on a cactus (-1d4 Con).
27. Hat blown away by sudden gust.
28. Those pretty flowers in that garland? Totally poisonous (Con save DC 2d6), left a rash, too (-1 Cha).
29. Ecstatically beautiful flower patch, could lose track of time here (+1 days, +50 XP, -2 Con from exposure).
30. Biomech razorfly swarm forces everyone to hunker down. Lose 1d4 days or 2d6 hp.
31. Mount steps into a puddle of Source and suddenly undergoes violent source code corruption.
32. Lost in the high grass. Lose 1d4 days, roll on Misfortune and Encounter again. Also, lost a shoe to a thirsty tangle shrub.
33. Hit in the eye by a speck of windblown biomech garbage. Ouch. -1d4 hp and -1d4 Dex. Blinded in one eye until treated by a proper medic.
34. Infected thornstone wound. Lose 1 Con per day until healed (Cure Disease or equivalent).
35. Lightning strike, DC 14 Dex save, 2d10 damage or lose a henchman or beast of burden.
36. Dreadful winds slow progress, lose 1 day and DC 12 Con save or catch the dusting cough.
37. Baking heat exhausts travelers, lose 1d4 Con.
38. Baking heat and sweat means a bad saddle rash, lose 1d4 Dex.
39. Slept in the soil of a radiation ghost, lose 1d6 Str.
40. Bitten by a rabid steppe wolf, Con DC 10 save or diseased. Wis DC 15 save and three rations could get you a steppe wolf pet. Fears magic carpets.
41. A princely toll is levied for semi-legal goods. 20% or 50 cash, whichever is more. Or fight a porcelain patrol.
42. Sharp porcelain splinter leaves festering foot wound, slowed, lose 1d4 days.
43. Lightning strike throws up biomantic spores, Con DC 2d6+2 or diseased. Mutations possible.
44. Massive static field raises glowing dusts, that bring bad coughs and sleep deprivation, lose 1d6 Con.
45. Bad cinder storm sends sharp debris flying, lose 1 day or 1d6 hp.
46. Tiny poison golem in boot, can be trained. Poison DC 3d6, requires refill after each attack. Quite stupid.
47. 1d4 supplies worth of water lost to a freak desiccating gust incident.
48. Shard of the Dark Mirror lodged in one eye, letting the hero always see the worst in people. Sort of like a permanent Detect nastiness ability that won’t turn off. Curse removal recommended.
49. Booming rust storm flenses caravan and leaves ringing in the ears. Lose 1d4 days.
50. 1d6 pieces of metal equipment rust beyond use. Even magical items rust in this area.
51. Stumble and cut self on the weathered grave of a machine folk hero, taking 1d8 damage from an ancient weapon. The grave contains porcelain eyes worth 1d6 x 100 cash and a magic, un-rusting weapon. It has no other power. It just never rusts.
52. Nasty concussion from walking head-down into an unexpected arch of salt (Lose 1d6 hp and 1d6 Intelligence).
53. Broken leg from stumbling over a scree pile. Still, better than looking on the Face of Death (Lose 1d8 and 1d6 Str and Dex).
54. Pack animal caught in the gaze of the Face of Death. It’s gone now, all the goods it carried singed, but still about half-salvageable.
55. Thick haze-storm obscures the Face of Death, making travel easier, though the smog plays havoc on the lungs (Gain 1d4 days, but lose 1d4 hp).
56. Strap, belt, thong, shoe-lace or other tie snaps at the worst moment, and in the fall a fragile object breaks. If the hero has no fragile objects, then they packed well and get through intact.
57. Horrible, bloody blisters (limping and -1d4 hp). Could get infected.
58. Picked up lenticular worms. Great.
59. Lit a campfire on top of an enormous deposit of methane-rich ‘deposits’ left by some gargantuan herbivore (Dex DC 2d10 or lose 1d10 hp),
60. Found a wonderful little oasis, full of delicious fish and black light lotus (+1d4 Cha for a week, get a week’s worth of rest, lose 1d6 days).
61. A spell or memory disappears into the dead land (lose one known spell or skill permanently, or until a Restoration is used).
62. Dry, flaky rash strikes hard (-1d4 Charisma).
63. 1d4 slots of supplies lost to the dust.
64. Chitin-cap spores infected a steed, laming it.
65. Lost in the dull, repetitive land. Have you walked past that abandoned village before? Maybe? (-1d4 days).
66. Rested in a peaceful farming village, but it turned out to be a ghostly echo of the Times of the Liberated Serf Dictatorship (lose 1 day and 1d4 supplies).
67. Water runs out in the empty land (-2 supplies).
68. Sudden snow storm (-1d4+1 days).
69. Swarming blood-sucking flies (-1 Con).
70. Abandoned rodent warren snaps a steed’s leg. Oops.
71. Restful grove with beautiful spring. Oh, wait, the spring water was contaminated with the effluvia of Ultra ghosts (lose 1 day and 1 supplies in a hallucinated fug).
72. A random weapon or armor fell off the danged pack animal. Back over there. Somewhere. It’s gone now in the sea of grass.
73. Fell through an eroded shell midden into a subterranean cavern (-1d4 supplies or lose 1d6 Dex and Con).
74. Unexpected hailstorm (-1 days or -1d4 hp).
75. Soporific pine trees put party to sleep (-1d3 days).
76. A beast of burden wanders off (lose beast or -1 day to retrieve it).
77. Caught a nasty cold (sniffling and sneezing for 1d6 days).
78. Cash pilfered by a tribe of uplifted, greedy prairie dogs (-1d100 cash).
79. Attacked by blood-draining vampire grass in the night (-1d8 hp).
80. Harsh, stiff winds make progress slow (-1d4 days).
81. Mechanical or magical device breaks down from the odd electromagical fields.
82. Carnivorous grasses entangle a beast in the night (lose beast or 1d4 supplies).
83. Got a nasty infection from a sharp sedge cut (-1d4 Con).
84. Camped on a nasty ant mound (lose 1d4 hp).
85. Swept away by a flash flood, throw away up to six posessions and roll d6. If you roll equal to or below the number of discarded possessions you wash up 1d4 days away, unhurt. If you roll over, you drown.
86. Struck by lightning, lose half hit points and one metal item is destroyed.
87. Pack animal sickens in the light of the Near Moon and begins to show lycanthropic tendencies. Lose 1d4 days treating animal, or lose the animal.
88. Catch a nasty cold from the icy waters (lose 1d4 Con).
89. Supplies get wet (lose 1d4 supplies).
90. One of your rings was actually magical and it slips away from your finger as you are crossing, to be found years later by a fisher-dwarf named Smehol. But that is another story.
91. Nauseated by the odd tides (lose 1d6 Con and Wis).
92. Lost your cloak and hat to a freak wind.
93. Fell into a bog and caught a cold (sneezing), also ruined a fine silk kerchief, if you have one.
94. Acquired a fantastic belief that you are a lycanthrope and require raw, bloody meat to feed your inner beast. This passes once you are out of sight of the moon.
95. Torn waterskins (lose 1 supply) and horribly bitten by bugs in the night (lose 1d4 Dex).
96. Flash flood washes away 1d4 beasts (or people if the beasts run out). Saving a beast requires a Str DC 15 check (or related skill). Fail the check badly enough and the hero might be pulled in too. Same DC.
97. Muddy bog and ravines wash out trail, forcing a detour that wastes 1d4 days.
98. Bad sunburn from the violet rays (lose 1d6 hp).
99. Wind blows away one book, map, scroll, or other inconvenient parchment.
100. Supplies soaked while crossing an unexpectedly rough ford (lose 1d4 supplies).

If you like this kind of content, or if you like my art, or if you feel like just dropping a dollar or two my way for some odd post-euclidean reason, I will greatly appreciate it. On my patreon I release a block of UVG content almost monthly, and Patreons will also get a free, polished and properly laid out .pdf copy of it once it is completed. Hopefully in about 4–6 more releases.

Quaalude Iron Wicker Druid Man

QUAALUDE IRON WICKER DRUID MAN

1. or a Ritual of Harvest Appeasement Gone Awry
2. or Where Have All The Longpigs Gone
3. or Who Said Druids Are Nature Lovers
4. or Burn the Forest Feed the Fires
5. or Ia Ia Treantu Ftagn.
6. or Iron Man Shall Walk Again In The Sizzling Blood of the Unclean

All PCs are Thieves

Over the past five months I've drawn over 144 wizards, thieves and fighters. Characters, vignettes and accompanying texts. A number I've also published here.

The Wizards were easy. They're madmen, plumbing the depths of creation, seeking knowledge humanity was not meant to know, bringing magic, science and weirdness into the fantasy rpg. A wizard as an opponent in a game of D&D is the perfect opponent. It takes so little to make them wrong. The corruption of magic can make dispatching a wizard, even one who is good at heart, an act of mercy. No hero needs feel bad about dispatching a wizard.

The Fighters were also easy. They represent power, hierarchy, strength, domination. A wizard breaks the rules of reality to get to the top, a fighter is the top. Two heroes walk into a ring, one comes out. That is the fighter. A fighter represents the Man and it is so easy for the power of the fighter to corrupt. After all, there can be only one.

But Thieves. Making thief-type opponents is hard, because by their nature they are not the opponents of PCs. They are not kshatriyas or brahmins, they are not in positions of power, they do not seek to spit in the eyes of gods and demons with their magics. They are the underdogs. Ordinary folks getting by on guts and guile.

Thieves are essentially all adventurers. At best, they are competitors, but not opponents.

Prometheus. Heinrich Füger 1817

Prometheus. Anansi. Loki. Robin Hood. Reynard the Fox. Bilbo. Aladdin. Sinbad. Odysseus. Theseus. Conan. Brier Rabbit. Coyote. Bart Simpson. The Doctor. Bugs Bunny. Benjamin. All of them are "Thieves" and "Upstarts" against the order. Against the Man. Sneaking into the Scary Wizard's Temple to steal a ruby. Overthrowing a tyrant king. Going against the giants. Assassinating a hobgoblin holy man to prevent the downtrodden goblinoid masses rising up against the rightful elven aristocracy.

The only thieves are the ones who overthrow the tyrant and then put themselves in his place, becoming the Man, the Wizard, the Priest.

At the core of the D&D adventure is a group of down-on-their-lucks making it in the big world. Rising up, against all odds. To do this they use guile, trickery, guts and if they don't die, they achieve glory. In essence, it doesn't matter if a 1st level character is a barbarian or a bard or a warlord (terrible class name, by the way), they're all thieves.

And that's why setting thieves as opponents is kind of crappy. They're thieves because they're the underdogs and have to fight a sneaky battle against those in power. And that's why following Elminster the All-powerful's instructions is kind of lame, because it's just doing what the authority tells you.

The PCs are in a fantasy world where they can overturn everything at no cost. And now, they're going to follow orders from the Man to keep things the way they are. How boring!

Subvert the order! Bring down the Fighters and the Wizards that keep the common goblin down!

d12 Table: As you leave the Popular Noble King Wizard's Audience Chamber

1. a maiden slips you a discrete silk purse that holds a crystal rose and a scented letter alleging that the king has had six secret sons imprisoned in a crypt beneath the citadel of City Over.
2. a group of petitioners with magic cabbage growing from their ears are beaten away from the doors by the NKW Police.
3. an NKW security wagon rumbles by, three captured goblins inside, destined for the NKW processing facility five.
4. a merchant comes to you, offering to pay for goblin futures on scalps you'll collect cleaning the New Expanse of their troublesome hides. He'll give you 50% on the rate, so you can armour before you go to the New Expanse.
5. a group of peasants with placards protesting the price freeze on turnips imposed by the NKW to fight speculators and kulaks. A group of Official Trading House accountants laughs at them from their coach and throw turnip pies at them.
6. a nobly accoutred knight pulls you aside and mentions that if you do well in clearing out the Marble Quarries of Marmarra of the filthy kobold raiders, he may have a job protecting the tax collectors in the Western Ranch Reach.
7. an astrologer attorney offers additional money if you also bring her any patent amulets on farms and mines that the goblins might have stolen in their raids. The goblins don't realize that these trinkets are valuable, if properly argued in the NKW property protection courts.
8. a preacher stands on a box ranting about the inhumanity of the filthy hobgoblins in the New Expanse, who continue to pollute the Good Folk with their robbery and brigandage and breeding like rabbits and bringing sexual diseases and corrupting young folk with filthy notions and stealing young men for their lust matriarchs. The ranting goes on. And on.
9. a noble scribe comes to mention that he knows a specialist interested in live goblins as test subjects (for a spell that will allow for the more effective fumigation of the New Expanses) and will pay 'andsomely for them. He passes an address in the Fine Warehouse Quarter of City Magnificence.
10. a woman in a great dun coat whispers if you want any illegal goblin tech to help you out, maybe some of their cryptic mesomorphic keys to help you out in the Rainbow Ruins?
11. a troop of proud young recruits, chests puffed and wearing the silver and red livery of the Righteous Fighters of the NKW march back and forth in the parade square, groups of young fine women swoon delicately, peddlers offer snacks, shoe shining and grooming for pennies.
12. a number of drunken NKW university students accost several half-goblin slaves and beat them with smelly salamis while onlookers cheer and wager.

Classy XP for Wizards, Thieves and Fighters

WTF the 5E light game doesn't really do XP, but maybe it should. So, here's a simple system. Based off this a bit. Hey, we're heading back to the Rainbowlands, so it's cool.

When you perform "deeds" and return to a safe haven and boast of them / prove them you gain XP as a die that you roll on the relevant XP table.

1. Discover ancient and forbidden lore - roll on the Seeker of Secrets XP table (Wizard table).
2. Retrieve treasure and loot from a 'dungeon' - roll on the Treasure Hunter XP table (Thief table).
3. Defeat / study a nemesis or new type of creature and bring back a trophy - roll on the Warrior table (Fighter table).
4. Invest proceeds in carousing / study / temple parties / foolish business ventures - i.e. the character's wealth gold is gone save for some change (Goldburner table).

Ideally, the difficulty / glory of the deed would determine the die. Basically, the deed has to be cool enough that telling the tale in a tavern would at least get the "heroes" a round of drinks and bed for the night. Something like this might work.

• Drinks are on the house - 1d4
• Hero of the hour - 1d6
• Memorable - 1d8
• They shall sing songs - 1d10

In practice, this is overcomplicated, so just a roll a 1d10, and the result also shows how impressed the townsfolk are.

Seeker of Secrets XP Table (Wizard)

1. +1 to arcana or science or medicine, 
2. +1 to religion or history or insight,
3. learn new spell (1-3: 1st level, 4-5: 2nd level, 6: 3rd level),
4. +1 to DC of one spell or +1d4 to effect of one spell,
5. +1 to Intelligence or Wisdom or Charisma,
6. +1 spell slot of (1-3: 1st level, 4-5: 2nd level, 6: 3rd level) or double scope of one spell,
7. new familiar or increase die of one spell,
8. learn new spell (1-4: 4th level, 5-6: 5th level),
9. gain 1 bonus spell per short rest,
10. +1 proficiency

Treasure Hunter XP Table (Thief)

1. +1 to acrobatics or athletics, 
2. +1 to perception or deception,
3. +1 to mechanics (thieves' tools) or sleight of hands,
4. +1 to investigation or stealth,
5. +1 to Dexterity or Intelligence
6. +2 to hp or sneak attack damage
7. new expertise or +1 to AC in light armor
8. gain advantage on surprise checks or +1 to hit with daggers or pistols
9. gain 1 bonus action per short rest
10. +1 proficiency

Warrior XP Table (Fighter)

1. +1 to acrobatics or athletics, 
2. +1 to animal handling or survival or an additional inventory slot,
3. +1 to one save (roll 1d10: 1-3: Str, 4: Dex, 5-7: Con, 8: Int, 9: Wis, 10: Cha),
4. +2 to attack or defence vs. one enemy type,
5. +1 to Strength or Constitution,
6. +4 to hp or +1 to damage with one weapon type,
7. +1 to hit with one weapon type or +1 to AC in medium or heavy armor
8. gain additional second wind
9. gain 1 bonus action per short rest
10. +1 proficiency

Goldburner Table (To Do)

1. acquire a random and unusual potion (think purple lotus powder) or gain a boon that gives advantage to 1d6 checks with an ability of choice.
2. +1 to a random save
3. acquire a property, it is (1: a house, 2: an apartment, 3: a farm, 4: a house boat, 5: a house wagon, 6: a deed to a ruin)
4. acquire a loyal henchperson (1: a wizard, 2: a thief, 3: a fighter, 4: a slave, 5: a fop, 6: an intelligent animal or plant)
5. become inducted into a secret society of (1: inept amateur magicians, 2: corporate rogueish merchants, 3: dashing heroes, 4: underhanded navigators and adventurers, 5: local nobles, 6: local revolutionaries)
6. acquire a masterful and possibly magical (1: weapon, 2: armor, 3: book, 4: steed or vehicle, 5: trinket, 6: toolkit or dice)
7. +1 to a random stat
8. acquire a stake in a business such as a (1: local brewery, 2: local food joint, 3: local metalworker, 4: local alchemical shop or druggist, 5: local protection racket, 6: local affiliated corporate security outfit)
9. obtain a promise from a local shady cult of a (1: free reincarnation, 2: greater metachemical healing, 3: stored clone body, 4: teleportal intervention when you break this totally safe gas-filled bauble, 5: a one-use summoning figurine, almost certain to summon a demon under your control, 6: a single-use ten-hour sanctuary amulet)
10. gain a bonus HD for hit point recovery or acquire a bonus feat or an additional bonus fatigue rank.

Calendar of Longwinter2

One of the challenges of Longwinter is that time is limited and with the slow healing rules (long rest = 1 week, short rest = 1 day), time passes quickly. At first I thought I'd generate the weather completely, using a few complex weather tables. After a single play test, it turned out to be a rather silly idea. :'(

Instead, I'm pre-building the time table for the icebox. The reason it's a bit spread out is because I'm going to layout the whole thing as pages for taking notes on what the PCs are doing. Eventually.

It is the month of Rawearth

Week 1 - first light snows fall, Christmas wonderland, cool air, birds in trees (1: light breeze, 2: gentle snow, 3: rain and mud, 4: clear and cold, 5: wind with the smell of raw earth, 6: overcast and menacing). - 30% chance rain or snow makes tracking difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:

Week 2 - the soils harden, weak sun rays melt some of the snow, frosts and mists in the mornings, the last leaves fall (1: calm and cold and damp, 2: depressing drizzle from an overcast sky, 3: sudden, short flurries of snow, 4: clear with the smell of wood smoke, 5: an odd rumbling thunderstorm over the mountains, 6: a cold and grim day). - 50% chance sodden mud and slush makes tracking easy.
Mon: - Firstday of the Tsar's Mass when the Blue Pig shall be shanked.
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:

Week 3 - the days brighten, then a snow starts to fall. First light, then heavier. Soon it is snowing without cease until all is white (1: bright and cold, 2: bright and warm, 3: light snow, 4: heavy snow, 5: blizzard, 6: white out). - heavy snow makes travel and tracking difficult, fresh snow makes tracking easy.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Potnik Solstice, celebration of the Grey Walker,
Sat: - Tsarist Solstice, celebration of the unvictored Son, Feast of the Lower Line, the Black Sabbath that rekindles the Fire of Life.
Sun:

Week 4 - the snowfall ends, the landscape is blanketed in white and silence, an eagle flies soundlessly (1: calm and cold, 2: a vicious cold snap, 3: in a sudden warm spell a snowdrop blooms, 4: light snowfall and a rainbow haze, 5: dark clouds gather and press in close, 6: hazy clouds and an eclipse of the sun) - cold snaps makes survival checks difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed: - St. Douglas' Day when the Fir is celebrated.
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun: - Eve of the Holy Pig when the pork is smoked.

It is the month of Glowgrow

Week 5 - the weather seems to hold its breath, ice and frosts sparkle on the trees, sleighs with bells jingle in the streets (1: morning frosts, 2: heavy hoar frosts beard the trees like old men, 3: calm and clear, 4: cold and windy, 5: light rainbow fog, 6: clouds gather above the mountain peaks like a flock of storm crows) - on frosty days tracking is easy.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed: - Shkraeti Solstice of the Darkened Heart
Thu:
Fri: - First Levelsday of Rustum
Sat:
Sun:

Week 6 - howling banshee winds bring dark clouds racing from the Cold Dwellings of Father Frost (1: rushing gales set shutters flapping and snow flurries flying, 2: amidst strong winds a sudden hailstorm hits, 3: unusual red lightning strikes the ridges, 4: sleet falls in dour sheets, 5: rolling like a wall, the cold pushes fog and frost before it, 6: sudden silence and snow that falls, seeming without end) - in wind, ranged attacks are difficult, in sleet or snow tracking, travel and survival checks are difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Second Levelsday of Rustum
Sat:
Sun:

Week 7
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Great Levelsday of Rustum, start of the 36 days of Peregrination
Sat:
Sun:

Week 8

It is the month of Icicles

Week 9
Week 10
Week 11
Week 12

It is the month of Littlegrass

Week 13
Week 14

Week 15
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat: - Wintersdead Eve
Sun: - New Year's Day

Week 16

Crowning the Rainbow King?

d110 Pseudo-Magical Tomes

Transported to WTF from Cauldrons & Clerics (my less amusingly named former blog), a cullated list of tomes with great help and motivation from the G+ OSR Community (looking at Grey Knight, Chris Tamm, Keith J Davies and Noah Stevens in particular).

1. Teobaldik's Necrologicon – a book on the theory of necromancy.
2. The Voerrecian Interpretations of the Ancestors – a book on necromancy.
3. Childred's Vivifective Sourcebook – a book on reanimating the dead.
4. Forma Pelluriana – a book on shape shifting.
5. Philip's Draconiforma – a book on shape shifting with an emphasis on dragons.
6. Miscellania Pyrologica – a book on miscellaneous fire magics.
7. Onin's Elementary Pyrotechnics – a book on explosive and elemental spells.
8. Anthologia Cryomantica – a book on ice spells and weather forecasting in winter.
9. Nevan's Codex Nevens – a book on snow magic.
10. The Collected Scrolls of the Chapter of Susurrations – a book on snake magic.
11. Principia Velenosa – the principles of poisons.
12. Childred’s Resurrected Works – a book on raising the dead.
13. Echo’s Soothing Chrestomathy – a book of healing and cleansing spells.
14. Indra’s Waters of Life – a book on healing draughts and rains.
15. Iz Sidri’s Manual of the Protection of Sacred Life – a book on hunting the undead.
16. De Aque Sancte – a book on holy waters of different sorts.
17. Jillian’s Phantasmagoricystica – a book on phantasmal spells.
18. Derigeur’s Mirror of Smoke – a book on illusion spells.
19. Salic’s Lex Sanguifecta – a book on the law of blood magic.
20. The Diary of a Leech – a book on blood magic and healing.
21. Piniped’s By the Sword of the Gods – a book on holy weapons and enchantments
22. The Crusade of the Interstices – a book on holy battle magic and travelling the Paths of the Voids.
23. Ulrik’s Monographia Insomniae – a book on nightmare magic.
24. The Umbral Tome – an anonymous book on shadow magic.
25. Iz Kronske’s Theoriae Petromantiae – on the theories of rock magic.
26. 2nd Principia Geomantica – the higher principles of earth magics, anonymous.
27. Hydromantia of Laurent od Sushotsk – an introductory tome of water magic.
28. Elementaria Aquatica – on water elementals.
29. Encyclopaedia Phytomantica – a compendium of plant spells.
30. Shrub Wizard for Life, by W. E. Bos – an overview of shrub and tree magic.
31. Portando il fine – anonymous book of death magic.
32. Lilander’s Entropia – a book of death and entropic magic.
33. De Rarum Daemonicum – a book on daemons and their summoning.
34. The Excorcist’s Cookbook – a book on fighting daemonic possession.
35. The Fires of Hell, by E. Quimble – a book on hellfire.
36. Codex Contegatiae – a collection of works on protective spells.
37. The Golden Armour of Nilnamur – a book on protective magic.
38. Magnifica Abjuratica – a poorly spelled book on more protective magic.
39. Filinda’s Tricks and Traps – a book of magic tricks and camouflage tips.
40. Der Doppelganger – a book on doppelgangers and the changing of faces.
41. Petra Alchimistica – a book on the philosopher’s stone
42. Solvents Versal and Universal – a book on acid magics.
43. The Arrow of Acid and Other Elixirs – a book on acid arrows and various odd elixirs.
44. Miffle’s Meta-metallurgica – a book on meta-metallurgy and alchemy.
45. Iota’s Energia Mystica – a book on spells of force.
46. Theresia’s Telekinaesthetics – a book on telekinetics.
47. Cooking Clerics, by W. Itch – a book of potion recipes for the budding witch.
48. De Orbis Malefex – a book on curses and evil eyes.
49. Tellurian’s the Mastery of Puppets – a book on voodoo and curses.
50. Riding the Lightning, by I. Stormborn – a book of electric spells and magics.
51. A Rare Light, by McFilinda – a book of light spells.
52. Principiae Lucens en Spectrals – a book on spells of the electromagnetic spectrum.
53. Channelling for Chumps, by U. Krum – an advanced book on war magic.
54. The Death Dealer – a semi-autobiographical book on battle magic.
55. Hippie Hexen Herbarium – a compendium of herbal potions and decoctions.
56. Opus Herbata – more herbal spells.
57. The Clock of Fate – a book on trapping elemental souls in clockwork cages.
58. Vaporous Layaboutry – a book on steampunk magic.
59. The Clockwork Goblin, by S. Tubbins – a book on automata.
60. Origen’s Exothermonomicon – a book on magical bombs.
61. Shilben’s The Perversions of the Mind – a book on psionic spells.
62. Handel’s Tabulations of the Razor – a book on domination and mind control.
63. Sachsen’s Magic Axe – a book of heavy metal bard spells.
64. The Thunder of the Gods – a book of loud sonic spells.
65. Karver’s Resilience of Rust – a book on the rust monster and the replication of its powers.
66. Cyclopedia Golemica – a book on the manufacture of golems.
67. I, Golem – a semi-autobiographical magic book on golem programming.
68. Wyrding for Women – a book on divination.
69. The Scissors of Life – a tome on astrology and curses.
70. The Seven Forbidden and Hidden Tomes of Unknown Contents: the Skin Book of Innumerable Eyes, Ulrik’s Gazes Beyond the Void, the Six Tongues of the Fast Stars, Origen’s The Stars Like Dust, Curiosites of de Vooid, Handel’s Calculations of the Immortal Mind, Krasius’ Rips in the Sail of Time.
71. The Perpidexicon of Knaardge - insane geometry and esoteric poetry (Chris Tamm)
72. Mysteries of True Form: A pamphlet on the regular solids and their magical connections to higher planes of existence. (Grey Knight)
73. Agamu's Matters Relating to the Care of Rulers: A carefully-worded treatise useful for those wishing to become an éminence grise.  Without going so far as to directly state anything incriminating, to the discerning reader the tome gives tips on controlling from behind the throne, including some subtle spells which superficially appear beneficial to the recipient. (Grey Knight)
74. A Booke of Babie-Catching - a lavishly illustratted twoe kolor toom desined fore de expert midwyf hoe woudde improewe haar skilles with severale jusefull spelles and ointments for Healing, de Easing off Paines, de Blessinge of Chinderens ande de Skaring Awaye off Eville Spiritts. (LR)
75. Deringle's Spelling in Spelles: a treatise on the importance of properly archaic spelling for maximum magical magnificence. (LR)
76. On The Discovery of Changelings : a worn folio illuminated manuscript describing the methods of finding out children and adults whose forms have been replaced by faerie creatures. None of the spells actually work or do anything. The book radiates subtle magic a la Nystul's Magic Aura (Noah Stevens)
77. Riobalt's On the Permutations of the Elements - a weighty alchemical tome on ways to transmute gold into other, less valuable metals and ores through the application of time and effort. (LR)
78. This collection of scrolls is marked with an ancient glyph for PROTECTION, and, on the inside, the words for BANISHING and DESTRUCTION in beautiful illuminated script. It seems at first reading a series of instructions for managing safety from various entities ranging from bothersome to evil. Upon closer reading, it is just that, only it's talking about ways to effectively secure your house from a variety of household pests and nuisances. Some of the suggested tactics are magical, others mundane. (Shoe Skogen)
79. Kaasandra's Tome of Prophecies Ignored - a pseudo-autobiographical work detailing the woe that befell those who did not heed the prophecies of Kaasandra of Nuurt. Among the dross are several useful spells for making people forget small things, like where they left the keys yesterday, as well as a rare version of the ancient Sumoninge of Sockes, which is a curse that removes one sock, never a pair, from the target's luggage, baggage, chest or wardrobe. :) (LR)
80. Fulster's Transnominacon - a tome with a lot of name magic, including spells for permanently altering the true names of other wizards, weakening their spellcraft. (LR)
81. Cereth's Manual of Nothing: creative uses for voids, holes, and absences of things.  Includes instructions on how to build your own "hole box", with which to collect holes from things.  Cereth recommends taking the keyhole from your house with you when you go out — you can even leave the key behind to confuse burglars a bit more!  Advanced topics include how to sew several holes together to make a net. (Grey Knight)
82. Zuiker's Pyscathonomica Profunda - seventeen different fish based magics and a guide to how to catch a fish without actually cheating very obviously. (LR)
83. The Loosening of the Arrow - a mystical work that describes archery and its practice, as well as several enchantments and evocations that aid the teaching and firing of arrows from a bow. (Noah Stevens)
84. Il Sas Domine by Peotra the Second - a tome on the properties of divine stones and the uses of standing stones in divine magic. (LR)
85. Beyond the  Studies of the Vermicelli Mentali or Mind Worms, sometimes translated as Mind of the Flying Spaghetti Monster  - those magics so corrupting that merely reading them lodges them in the magic users brain, where they corrupt him and drive him toward malign Kaos. (LR and Keith J Davies)
86. Lo! Apprehension of the Great Noodley One – a book of magic tricks, biology and numerology. (LR and Keith J Davies)
87. Biblia Pastariffica - over thirty-seven fully fledged pasta based magics, including the ritual for summoning Tensorio's Floating Plate of Pasta, capable of carrying up to 33 pounds of pasta, as well as Pelatio's Instant Pesto, which automagically transforms available ingredients into a thermally treated purée perfect for adding to cooked pasta. (LR) Teratic/Mythos version: including living creatures... but you are compelled to eat heartily. (Keith J Davies)
88. Kompendio Kompetitivo de Mensen Pugnalant - a compendium of spells to incite greater competitiveness in testosterone fuelled competitors, written in execrable vulgate by the Ringmaster Iu Dauron. (LR)
89. Movements of the Ents and the Magical Properties Thereof : a work in low Entish, or perhaps Sahaugin (in the 2nd edition) that describes a single spell that may be learned by studying the prolonged mating dances of Ents that sometimes take up to a thousand years to observe in their entirety (Noah Stevens)
90. The Temporal Compendium to the Movements of the Ents - includes a short discourse on trans-temporality and a spell for the chronopetrification of the participant, allowing him to observe an entire entish mating dance in the form of a petroglyph inscribed upon a cliff or other large, flat surface. (LR)
91. Zwibli's Schweinmenschen und Vogelfrauleinen - a short volume on defensive polymorphication and the determination of compatible animal forms for opponents.
92. Ariog od Tamakau's The Way of All Flesh - a grossly padded and voluble volume detailing magics for the creation of flesh golems and electrick zombies.
93. Sambana's Swordes of Soursery - a fascinating volume on all the different magical swords you will never possess as well as a recipe for crafting a sword +1½.
94. Elrick's of Yon Coult of de Blaue Oeyster - a treatise on planeswalking, limbo, black blades and the summoning of coultosauroses.
95. Historie of Daemons & Wizards, an Illustrated Compendium - a guide to different daemon summoners and what happened to them, also includes a do-it-yourself summoning ritual. Guaranteed safe or your money backe.
96. De Waggone Withoute Horses - a story by the half-mad wizard Necropius dealing with time-travel and meeting the "ghost in the shell".
97. Visshalt's Kompendium Delique Portee - a tome on the portals into the fae realms and certain fae spells.
98. Oeilburforse's Vilis a Levioribus Tractandis Hora Prandii - dealing with rapid and effective spells against liches as well as magic to keep dinner warm while you go adventuring.
99. Oot's Giokando Per Vintere - a tome of wine magic and how to regularly win while gambling, forbidden in most casinos.
100. Piniped's Eminently Useful Tome - a magical tome of numerous spells for dealing with poisons, digestive issues and other similar afflictions. Comes with fifty magically replenishing empty, thin, soft sheets of paper in the back of the book.
101. Bursting of the Chest - a guide to the many ways that the heart may break through love.
102. Two-hundred Names for Snow - a book that purports to summon the soul of snow.
103. A Tale of a False Horse - a tome dedicated to the transmogrification of the horse into the false horse.
104. The Naming of the Wrom - a collection of scrolls penned by the half-dyslexic wizzard Monomorphos of Mestemium, which may help bind a worm to the summoner.
105. The Bonding and the Beast - a treatise on the creation of an inhumane bond between warrior and warbeast, akin to the link between wizard and familiar, but more profoundly manly and warrior-like.
106. The Blade-Book of Mechthonos - a chtonic codex engraved on thirty-three copper daggers dedicated to the arts of blade-ah-sutra.
107. Nirvana for Nyarlhotep - a short collection of binary beads that provide enlightenment to extra-prismatic beings descending to the third dimensional plane.
108. The Zen of Motor Maintenance - a magic tome that teaches a cycle-wizard to power their cycle through sheer will, even after the body of the cycle has died.
109. Kolok's Cockles by V. Twine - a strange book on the soul-cycles of the common cockle vendors of the port of Kolok.
110. The Eleventh Age and the Comportment of the Psychopomps - a guide to how to behave around the guides leading the soul into the twelfth age. 

More Fighters (bit by bit)

In the post entitled, succinctly, "The Fighter", I described the basic Fighter of WTF and a few subtypes. I'm adding another subtype here.

Speed Freak
The speed freak's mind is like a compass, stopping at nothing. He's got fire in his pocket and he's lit up like a rocket, veins ablaze with the scurrying, urging, demanding need for speed.

• HD: 3d10
• HP: 20 + 3 * Con modifier
• Spells: cost 3 hit points or ability points per spell level, cantrips count as level one, rituals vary.
• Armor proficiency (roll d6): 1: light, 2: light and medium, 3: light and shields, 4: light, medium and shields, 5: shields only, 6: metal armors and shields only,
• Weapon proficiency: all weapons with a single damage die (so no great swords, they deal 2d6),
• Tools (roll d6): 1: mechanic's tools, 2: instrument (drums, bass guitar, trumpet or harmonica), 3: tinker's tools, 4: carpenter's tools, 5: gambling tools, 6: druggist's tools
• Saving Throws (roll d6): 1–2: Str and Dex, 3: Dex and Con, 4: Dex and Int, 5: Dex and Wis, 6: Dex and Cha,
• Skills: as per PHB (p. 72)

Starting abilities:

• Fighting Style (roll d6): 1: archery (+2 ranged), 2: dueling (+2 dmg with 1H weapon and no shield), 3: two-weapon fighting (add ability mod to second attack damage), 4: spear-fighting (+2 to hit with polearms), 5: dirty fighting (+1d6 sneak attack damage as thief), 6: pistolero (+2 dmg with pistols).
• Second Wind (as PHB 72) - self heal for 1d10 + 3 hp per short rest,
• Super Surge - two additional actions in a round, 1 times per short rest,

Speed Freak abilities:

• Faster and Faster - every time the speed freak rolls maximum damage on damage dice (e.g. 4 on a 1d4 or 13 on a 1d13), the speed demon gets an extra attack.
• Death Shot - can use reaction to make one final attack on being dropped to 0 hp, the death shot is an automatic critical if it hits.

Level up as fighter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7tTZTF2CyY

d62 Table: Plague Stalks These Lands

... and you encounter:

1. philosophers waiting in dread symposium for the plague to arrive, 
2. a sailor preaching the end of the world,
3. a boat beached on the shore, filled with torn sacks of corn and the corpses of plague rats,
4. a woman having visions of the spirits of the dead,
5. a vision - a spirit of a divine being walking silently, judgmentally,
6. a vision - a spirit of light striking this or that part of a person's body,
7. a man uttering the holiest of names trying to exorcise a spirit,
8. a holy sanctuary full of hungry refugees,
9. a sanctuary filled with the dying,
10. two bodies and a dying dog by a crossroad shrine,
11. a couple barricaded in their room, hiding,
12. a young seamstress crying for help, locked away in a cellar,
13. a shouting widower calling the spirits to take him,
14. a traveler beating a door, begging to be let in,
15. a dream of a spirit standing, looming, over a body,
16. a voice from the sky prophesying that your name is written among those about to be struck,
17. a peddler struck by a sudden seizure,
18. a wine merchant grabbed by a sudden fever,
19. a lethargic youth mumbling in waking fever dreams,
20. a beggar crying on the ground with buboes in the groin,
21. a violently delirious inn-keep,
22. a young woman lying in deathless sleep in a tower surrounded by thorn bushes,
23. a confused old lady who has forgot all who are familiar,
24. a pile of dead, buboed rats ripening in the sun,
25. a soldier lying neglected and comatose beneath a baobab tree,
26. a sleepless priest, victim of distorted, paranoid imagination,
27. an excitable student rushing here and there, crying at the top of his voice,
28. a hungry nurse with trouble eating,
29. a butcher mad with hunger throwing himself off a height,
30. a shepherd in great pain from swollen buboes,
31. a dying driver broken out in lentil-sized black pustules,
32. a maid suddenly vomiting blood as she speaks,
33. bodies stacked in the open like firewood,
34. a blood-soaked priestess lying next to a fresh grave,
35. a breeze that brings the stench of death,
36. a hungry ox lowing sadly, still yoked to a plough,
37. a ditch filled with bloated horses and dogs,
38. a ruined, burned out freehold,
39. a farmhouse full of desiccated corpses,
40. seven men and three women holed up in a villa, waiting out the plague,
41. an ignorant man peddling snake heads as a cure,
42. a large pile of clothes, blood-spattered,
43. a manor, closed off and barred, with music drifting from a window,
44. a friendly necromancer, skeletons carrying a large pot in tow,
45. a group drinking to oblivion in a tavern,
46. a candle shop, abandoned in haste,
47. a hangman who hanged himself,
48. a crone selling medicinal flowers and perfumes,
49. a cart with packages of pungent medicines and a dead cat,
50. a wagon full of dead rats and birds,
51. a gravedigger, philosophical and immune,
52. an abandoned nephew with a broken leg,
53. a sick builder killing himself in the street with a brick,
54. a quantity of bodies laud out at the door,
55. a trench with bodies stored like bales in a ship,
56. a canal filled with bloating corpses,
57. a raven perched on a skull, murmuring, "evermore,"
58. an ominous green comet glows sickly in the sky,
59. an unbeliever, hung for bringing the wrath of the spirits,
60. a well, poisoned by the dead,
61. a lynch mob after a local heretic poet,
62. a stockpile of food, contaminated by the corpse of its owner,
63. 
    

NPCs of Longwinter, or at Least Some of Them

Names and descriptions and details can be swapped and I've separated them with em-dashes, but for layout purposes in this format, they're just listed.


Rudvik, the City of the Pit, the Silver City, the Guild Warren, built in the guts of the Gargantuan Golem Fact of the Long Long Ago. Suspended on the cliff above is an iron spider of a fortress, now the Home of Counting and Count

1. Counte Rudolf Rudov — the man with the golden hand and silver eye, his hands bedecked with rings, his abacus with beads of (1: amethyst, 2: emerald, 3: rubies, 4: sapphires, 5: garnets, 6: amber), his brow crowned with the Binary Bindlet.
2. Countess Krovela Rudolfova — the Counte's wife, who's skin is forever milky and young as the day they were wed by the Baron's grandfather.
3. Counteska Rudina Rudolfova — the Counte's daughter, some say witch, others wild thing. In truth she is (1: both, 2: neither, 3: a changeling, 4: a misunderstood goth).
4. Vizir Sokolov — the wizard of Rudvik, demons worry when he is near. He turns tears into joy, everyone's happy when he walks by.
5. Vaga — the death-dealer of Rudvik. Darkness stalks the steps of the death-dealer. Grown men become children in the presence of the death-dealer. The House of the Death-Dealer is surrounded by (1: shields, 2: skulls, 3: glass vials, 4: stone chimes, 5: silver-threaded copper coins, 6: feathers).
6. Moksijeva Maja — a noble fightress, tough and just.
7. Perimpepet — a brainy fellow, some would say a thief, he is a master of geomancy and mining.
8. Nur Gottlieb — a rustumi preacher-pundit.
9. Masad Obershtain — mason, builder and inn-keeper of the Sign of the Cog-clock.

Vrelets, the Sanatorium, the Village by the Marble Hall, built on the polychrome calcium ledge of the Great Hot Spring where even oranges may grow in the Dead Winter of the High Turan.

1. Jana Janova — the good-doctor of Vrelets, she brings sleep and peace to those who can do no more and administers the Rites of the Purple.
2. Ignobel Rosenberg — the mind-doctor of the Sanatorium, stitcher of souls and collector of dice.
3. Nedred Shvab — a noble fighter, strong and hardy.
4. Ostina Ostra — a smart lass, her wit sharper than her knife, but not by much. She would be a fox.
5. Niza Visoka — matron and mistress of the blood bush plantation of the Marble Head.

Gomilsk, the City of the Baron, the High Town, built on a barrow and a bond of blood.

1. Baron Boris III Borisov — blood-trothed ruler of the Vale of Saint Nom, a (1: kind, 2: harsh, 3: just, 4: oblivious, 5: scholarly, 6: arrogant) man out of his depth in games of strategy, but intensely good at games of luck. A rich man, he wants for a wife.
2. Baronovitsch Boris IV Borisov — the bastard son is not a bastard but a nerd. A seeker after knowledge, a delver into the barrow below the town.
3. Vera Plava — the fairest girl born of the Three Maidens of the Temple in living memory. Why does the Baron not take her? She loves (1: ivory, 2: hunting, 3: chess, 4: guns) but is (1: viciously smart, 2: spoiled rotten, 3: gentle as a lamb, 4: possessed of an ancient wraith).
4. Kanzler Rudolf Valentinov — headman of the Valentinov clan, advisor to Boris. He collects ancient tomes, is kind to cats and hates boys.
5. Haydn the Old — believer, preacher, spy.
6. Philby Philbyyev — khan's ambassador, connoisseur of rabbits and berrywine.
7. Morya Svetla — artifact merchant and calligrapher. Purveyor of fine amulets. She was abandoned by a dog in the dirt.
8. Ulvar Silbershtain — hydraulic priest of the Steam Demon.
9. Vincente de Biro — the bureaucratic head-tender of the Pneumatic Inn  and Brothel. Has a thing for the rabbit races.
10. Mossy Moz — there's taverns and there's taverns. This is one of the taverns. Flying axes are free.
11. Underbaroness Izolda — a tragic tale surrounds her, like a grim dress. One of woe and a lover lost.
12. Vod — a noble fighter, courageous and fine.
13. Medo — a smarmy wizard, purveyor of Toads and Toad charms, master of the pseudomantic school.
14. Lado Bezgov — roguish and dashing, with a dagger of gold and a dagger of dragon bone and a fiddle so fine, it makes grown women weep.

Mostova, the Big Bridge, the Bridge of Giants, the Enormous Living Stone Bridge, seriously, it's a town on a huge bridge built in the long, long ago.

1. Sheriff Leni — a jovial santa of a man with a dark past to overcome.
2. Counte Verruca Mostar — the man with the iron heart and the Gauntlet of Grimace who loves cats for the mysteries they bring.
3. Elena Trojska — the Purple Gunsmith. She betrayed a friend once. There are no bodies.
4. Mushter — a pair of legs that open up like butterfly wings and a mad dog that wouldn't sit still. But a doctor's a doctor, even if his speciality is rusty proctology.
5. Alfred Zorov — Zoro's House has beds, Zoro has a bar, his wife trades in curios. Worthless trinkets, you understand?
6. Jovan Vrv — a basketman does his thing, but a basketmaster runs the elevators to the river cold down below.
7. Oriana Diana — necromancer and lawyer, bringer of closure and wills. There's a parchment with her name on it. There's a locket clasped in the hands of a drowned deep one.
8. Elvis Dirtnap — he plays his (1: banjo, 2: guitar, 3: bass guitar, 4: violin, 5: piano, 6: guillotine) in the bar every third night, when he needs to forget.
9. Muti Mnogo — some cults are fun, some cults have mysteries. This cult has (1: fun weeds, 2: fun mushrooms, 3: fun incantations, 4: child sacrifice). Muti likes red and green.
10. Raven Girl — she plays with the ravens in the Circle of the Black Glass and nobody disturbs her.
11. Ebenezar Skrudjeyev — the Grand Toll-Master of the bridge, bearer of many chains, master of coin, mint and tea. He loves a good tale and collects old books.

Oak-that-bleeds-and-sings, the Longest House, the Hall of Horror and Home, hidden in the Pines where the Cold Wind "Reza" blows and cuts the flesh of evil men off their bones.

1. Chief Owlfox — bold and red-haired, the temptress of the woods, the soft-eyed widow who loves a good skirt and sharp knife. 
2. Chief Hawkbear — cunning and dark, bulky and grim, a shadow bringing firewood or death from the dark. He sees men's souls but is afraid of women.
3. Boris Turtledove — witchman, wizardwoman, shawls and feathers and thick furs. Man or woman, it's not clear, but reading the burnt bones is her art.
4. Karl Tree — a tree with the soul of a man, a man with the soul of a tree. Walk this way.
5. Boneman Grim — how can one die when one's soul has been cleansed of flesh?
6. Littlefox —so tempting, her tail so long. Her smile melts warriors' hearts.
7. Jane — an outlaw who likes big guns.
8. Shaman Owlfalcon — shaman and mushroom hunter.

The Last Trading House, the Green Bubble, the Most DFG Palace, clasping the marbled canyon walls like a demented translucent jelly-bird.

1. Vizkont de Konti — third licensed silver merchant of the House of the Fourth Leg,
2. Graham Schmidof — chicken-eating silversmith,
3. Velisa Darteu — beady-eyed jeweler of the Velvet Sisterhood,
4. Koliste Four-Two — khan supervisor with the big belt buckle and the mirrored eye,
5. Miszko Temni — smaller burdenbeast merchant in speckled fur,
6. Slavoshkrat Benzinov — glittering tinker artificer and karaoke star,
7. Origen Kanalov — swaggering artifact merchant with the poncho and the feathered clock,
8. Imba Takozela — leather-clad scholar from among the (1: rustuman, 2: petrograd, 3: morjanska, 4: turalia, 5: wolf-folk of the black wood, 6: white canyon),
9. Polona de Marko — spy, tailor, sailor and international trader of mystery,
10. Ibis Motel — smooth-talking flour-chucking food merchant with a cart of (1: boiled leeches, 2: broiled leeks, 3: grilled lima beans, 4: sautéed lemon-fish, 5: flambéed lobster, 6: fresh linear accelerated-growth lion-strip),
11. Kapsikun Kundarov — militiaman with the clockwork heart,
12. Petra do Pijer — churchman of the (1: rustuman leveller, 2: tsarist hierarchist, 3: petrogradist poly-sacralism, 4: kentauri shamanism, 5: shkraeti pragmatism, 6: potnik sweat-lodge vision fatherhood) persuasion with a gilded monocle,
13. Ozrik Tamogled — fanatical lay rustuman leveller (1: carpenter, 2: shoemaker, 3: levite, 4: soldier, 5: roundhead, 6: turncoat),
14. Elbreht Adamov — ruin explorer mumbling incoherently and tapping with a metal leg,
15. scavenger with a wooden pistol and pet (1: cat, 2: rat, 3: clockwork hat, 4: dire rat, 5: animated mat, 6: bat),
16. Vina de Vin — moustache-twirling restauranteur and cheese maker,
17. Angela Merser — pleasure mercer with red shoes and a (1: boudoir, 2: synth-sensorium, 3: opium bowl, 4: rolling papers, 5: fine wines, 6: smoked shifter meat),
18. Tabor Three-Three — kentauri fighter swaggering without a care in the world,
19. Onda Tako — friendly and almost discrete agent of the (1: viles, 2: viladrines, 3: moss-fuckers, 4: tree-huggers, 5: vile bastards, 6: deathless doppelgangers),
20. Djet — mysterious stranger known as (1: traveler, 2: walker, 3: jack, 4: jane, 5: loper, 6: stinker).

The Last Trading House is a joint enterprise of the Baron's Bullion Company and the Khanal Silver Company built in the shell of an ancient builder DFG palace (spheroid subtype B) in the Most Canyon.

6d6 Very Bad Prophecy Bad Quests

Kill the King with the

1. translated works of Heftum the Major.
2. incense of the half-hazarded lotus of happenstance.
3. golden tangerine of the Tulibrideis.
4. point of the mystic tooth of the Glowing Unidont of the Crystal Crater.
5. stone that held the sword.
6. ineffable wit of Fitzminster the Fool.

Crucify the Count with the

1. onion of Bitter Regret.
2. glazed chalice of Massiris the Manumited.
3. cockatrice of Baells.
4. cornucopia of the Gleaming Siren of the Red.
5. swaggering sword of Blue.
6. foreskin ornament of the Speed Demon.

Dismember the Duke with the

1. dogs of the demon lords Turmoil and Gastric Distress.
2. puce pulver of the dusty library of Es Borg.
3. hammer of mighty blunt-faced Thak.
4. chariot of clouds and rainbows of Jesus-Thor of the Unicorn Battalion.
5. snicketty shadows of the snarky salamander.
6. eggshell of the last egg of the first dragon Guy Roy.

Behead the Baron with the

1. badger of Three Trees.
2. bucket of Myrio the Minor.
3. fourteenth expectoration of the Ettin of the Etiolated Ridge.
4. cudgel of Cugel the Quick.
5. fizzling anti-acid tablet preserved in the casket of Charon the Navigator.
6. tree of the Holy Badger.

Murder the Marquis with the

1. money pouch of Titian the Truculent.
2. green halberd of Holding.
3. cold bamboo rod of tranquility.
4. map of the mysterious maquis of Mezzanotte.
5. pearl of Offal.
6. snail shell of the foaming Love Goddess.

Execute the Emperor with the

1. pylon of pink smoky quartz depicting the Ascendancy of Max.
2. stabby sword of Budzo the Bold.
3. crown of pure coal.
4. breastplate of the Execution of Improbabilities Twice.
5. tree of everglistening needles.
6. haddock of Hell.