How Death Frost Doom Was Won

I ran Death Frost Doom for my party (approx. sessions 49 to 53). Death Frost Doom is for many the original negadungeon. I ran a printout of the .pdf version 2, the one revised in 2014 by Zak S of Playing D&D With Pornstars (great blog, go read it).

It has reviews like,

"It's very atmospheric and mysterious, but the mystery doesn't give the players any clues to solve it. In the end, if they do the right thing it will by chance ..."

And:

"the "winning" scenario is damn near impossible."

I am sad to say these reviews were wrong. I was quite unable to execute a TPK. Not only that, all the PCs survived mostly unharmed and with their macguffin in hand!

Spoilers follow.

...

The Set Up
Because I'm lazy sometimes, I followed the instructions on the set up:

If this adventure is a part of a campaign (LR: well, if you can call my improvisations a campaign, sure): feed the players stories of inconceivable wealth hidden in the mountain, inside the shrine of an ancient death cult. If the players are in search of a special book, sword or other storied trinket it is rumored to be there (and is—probably in Area 22—but don't tell them that yet).

Ok, so ... the PCs have killed the pepper pot defense units (daleks), taken over Facility Zero, activated the Cryogi®™, and found out that to fully activate it they need to refuel the Facility Main Core. After successfully merging personalities with the mummified remains of Jane Smith, the Facility Administrator, in the Modified Ur-Reality Development Expansion Recreator™, Adobe Suttle accessed the lower level Builder Subroutine, which identified a location where an intact radiothermal barrel had been stored.

In the Mouths of the Meat Mountain of Madness™.

I believe the name of the location successfully alerted the PCs to the ridiculous potential lethality of this location.

I also outlined the whole adventure for myself to help run it in my notebook:

The Approach & The Cabin

The Shrine. Notice the Thumbworm of Doom.

...

The Play Through
DFD has a rather simple structure: Approach / Cabin / Shrine.

The Approach, which can be run as pretty much atmospheric. I added some random encounter tables, including a snow demon in the snow because Longwinter 2. The PCs ran from all encounters (saving those precious, rare hps), treated the rustic PC very kindly and generally did fine here.

The Cabin is a creepy, haunty cabin. The PCs mucked around with everything, and got useful information from much that was there. They were generally careful and nobody died terribly. The purple lotus powder was very popular. But again, nobody died. Hint: the painting shows the altar, which is where the holy radiothermal barrel was also displayed! With a pictomancer who can pass through paintings / walk into paintings, this was really harvested for information. The mad wizards also took samples of all the liquids and strange things they found for "later study".

The Shrine is the biggest part of the adventure and home of the death cult. It thematically splits into three interconnected sections: the cathedral and priest quarters (but the priests are long dead), the tombs of the greater dead (with lots of role-play opportunities here), and the crypts of the thousands of cult sacrifices.

First comes the cathedral and quarters. All the skulls and creepiness do give the game away, but the organ is a great toy and temptation a great mistress. Quinn and Todd played with it a lot, and ended up ageing 20 years each. Salami stole the offerings and was cursed with a disadvantage on all attack rolls. They explored the quarters thoroughly and found the connecting shaft to the tombs.

In the tombs they discovered the interrogator, and dispatched it, then next opened the tomb of the architect. There they had long discussions with the architect and learned about the praetor-pontifex. This was enough for them and they decided to first clear out the cathedral, while temporarily blocking the shaft.

After carefully going through everything that was left, they entered the crypts. There they found the the countless mummies. They methodically burned the priest and warrior mummies, collecting the melted jewellery afterwards. Going forward, they came to the parasite and became very, very careful. Quinn matched the parasite's song and Doc Odd gingerly removed the radiothermal barrel from the altar using the floating cheshire cat. They also tested one of the globes, and found it awakened a commoner mummy.

At this point, they sealed the commoner crypts and walked away.

And that was that! One interrogator killed and a couple of thousand sleeping mummies burned. One radiothermal barrel recovered.

...

The Summary
DFD is one large, scary, set bear trap. Everything else in the adventure is predicated on the PCs poking stuff.

A careful group that doesn't treat each adventure as a slaughter-yard / monster-hunting expedition should do fine. There are no "trick" gotchas - right from the get-go, the adventure makes clear how lethally dangerous things _can_ be. If a PC ignores the skulls, the curses, the warnings, and still picks up protected items, well, a PC suffers the effects.

OK, there is one "trick" in the dungeon that isn't explained well for players: the big skull countdown timer. It's not actually linked to something coming alive and hurting them, but to how much time they will have to escape once / if they awaken the dead horde.

When running the adventure, I was clear in the descriptive warnings and up front about risks, e.g., "the skull altar looks menacing," "the black water is dank and has an evil smell," "curses and warnings are depicted on the walls", "walking over the sleeping parasites looks like it will be very hard and there are so many spheres you might crush some of them," "the ice around the mummies of the warriors, in this second crypt, has already melted a bit more than the ice around the priest mummies."

Overall, I had a lot of fun running DFD. I think the players did, too.

One thing to keep in mind: if you have a game system that makes it hard to create new characters, neither the referee nor the players will want to see characters die! This is bad! Make character generation faster, and the games will be more fun!

...

Poking At Details

1. the map should have page numbers on it for faster reference.
2. white text on dark background doesn't leave space for notes.
3. I lost the printed out handout maps at some point.
4. I'll think of some more, but those are it for the moment.

...

The System
I run a 5E D&D game - more or less. You can find more about it here. I don't use backgrounds, bonds, inspiration, feats (mostly), and limit the maximum power range of characters to about levels 5–6. Individual spells, items, abilities, can exceed this by a lot, but hit points are generally low. I generally use morale (2d6), re-roll initiative each round, more lethal death rules (on 0 save or die, option for healer to rush in and use heal check instead of failed save), longer rests.

I had no problems converting the module on the fly.

...

Dramatis Personae (characters in italics present for most sessions).
Doc "Odd" Todd the Dentist Wizard / Mad Scientist, his Stage Coach, his Cheshire Cat Demon Familiar,
Salami Rocquefort the Gunslinger / Rogue, his henchman "Hi" John the Weed Cultist,
Adobe Suttle the Pictomancer AND Jane Smith, Facility Administrator Purple Class
Quinn Medicine Warrior the Warrior, her Goat Crystal Stardust, her Cat-Xenomorph Splice Jones
The Finisher, Saloon Brawler and Martial Artist,
Lem Goh, the Dwarf Technomancer who believes himself a golem,
Rod the Speed Freak / Fighter,
a few others that I forget right now ...

Session 50: Paranoia and Pyromania

A mad scientist dentist, a barroom brawler known only as "Finisher", a bearded pistolero, a bearded golem, a charlatan alchemist and a skinchanger gentleman explorer walk into Death Frost Doom. "On the walls are depictions of Duvan'ku priests leading the innocent to unholy sacrifice. The priests all wear balloon pants, fashionable vests and statement tall hats." Gentleman Explorer, "Can't touch this." "Yes, the Duvan'ku are all indeed wearing hammer pants." ... "The crypts of the priests are full of mummies, liquid time ice sublimating away." "How many are there?" "You estimate more than a thousand." "We should burn them." ... Smoke rises from the top of the mountain, as the party systematically torches the mummies. Bless the PCs' dark, paranoid little hearts.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mummy_paper#Other_industrial_uses_for_mummies

WTF Character Sheet v2

Building a character? Make your own sheet. Or grab this ultra-basic variant.

It might look like I haven't been up to anything ... but the last few months have seen me drawing copiously. Thanks for your patience!

Calendar of Longwinter2

One of the challenges of Longwinter is that time is limited and with the slow healing rules (long rest = 1 week, short rest = 1 day), time passes quickly. At first I thought I'd generate the weather completely, using a few complex weather tables. After a single play test, it turned out to be a rather silly idea. :'(

Instead, I'm pre-building the time table for the icebox. The reason it's a bit spread out is because I'm going to layout the whole thing as pages for taking notes on what the PCs are doing. Eventually.

It is the month of Rawearth

Week 1 - first light snows fall, Christmas wonderland, cool air, birds in trees (1: light breeze, 2: gentle snow, 3: rain and mud, 4: clear and cold, 5: wind with the smell of raw earth, 6: overcast and menacing). - 30% chance rain or snow makes tracking difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:

Week 2 - the soils harden, weak sun rays melt some of the snow, frosts and mists in the mornings, the last leaves fall (1: calm and cold and damp, 2: depressing drizzle from an overcast sky, 3: sudden, short flurries of snow, 4: clear with the smell of wood smoke, 5: an odd rumbling thunderstorm over the mountains, 6: a cold and grim day). - 50% chance sodden mud and slush makes tracking easy.
Mon: - Firstday of the Tsar's Mass when the Blue Pig shall be shanked.
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:

Week 3 - the days brighten, then a snow starts to fall. First light, then heavier. Soon it is snowing without cease until all is white (1: bright and cold, 2: bright and warm, 3: light snow, 4: heavy snow, 5: blizzard, 6: white out). - heavy snow makes travel and tracking difficult, fresh snow makes tracking easy.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Potnik Solstice, celebration of the Grey Walker,
Sat: - Tsarist Solstice, celebration of the unvictored Son, Feast of the Lower Line, the Black Sabbath that rekindles the Fire of Life.
Sun:

Week 4 - the snowfall ends, the landscape is blanketed in white and silence, an eagle flies soundlessly (1: calm and cold, 2: a vicious cold snap, 3: in a sudden warm spell a snowdrop blooms, 4: light snowfall and a rainbow haze, 5: dark clouds gather and press in close, 6: hazy clouds and an eclipse of the sun) - cold snaps makes survival checks difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed: - St. Douglas' Day when the Fir is celebrated.
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun: - Eve of the Holy Pig when the pork is smoked.

It is the month of Glowgrow

Week 5 - the weather seems to hold its breath, ice and frosts sparkle on the trees, sleighs with bells jingle in the streets (1: morning frosts, 2: heavy hoar frosts beard the trees like old men, 3: calm and clear, 4: cold and windy, 5: light rainbow fog, 6: clouds gather above the mountain peaks like a flock of storm crows) - on frosty days tracking is easy.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed: - Shkraeti Solstice of the Darkened Heart
Thu:
Fri: - First Levelsday of Rustum
Sat:
Sun:

Week 6 - howling banshee winds bring dark clouds racing from the Cold Dwellings of Father Frost (1: rushing gales set shutters flapping and snow flurries flying, 2: amidst strong winds a sudden hailstorm hits, 3: unusual red lightning strikes the ridges, 4: sleet falls in dour sheets, 5: rolling like a wall, the cold pushes fog and frost before it, 6: sudden silence and snow that falls, seeming without end) - in wind, ranged attacks are difficult, in sleet or snow tracking, travel and survival checks are difficult.
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Second Levelsday of Rustum
Sat:
Sun:

Week 7
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri: - Great Levelsday of Rustum, start of the 36 days of Peregrination
Sat:
Sun:

Week 8

It is the month of Icicles

Week 9
Week 10
Week 11
Week 12

It is the month of Littlegrass

Week 13
Week 14

Week 15
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat: - Wintersdead Eve
Sun: - New Year's Day

Week 16

Crowning the Rainbow King?

d110 Pseudo-Magical Tomes

Transported to WTF from Cauldrons & Clerics (my less amusingly named former blog), a cullated list of tomes with great help and motivation from the G+ OSR Community (looking at Grey Knight, Chris Tamm, Keith J Davies and Noah Stevens in particular).

1. Teobaldik's Necrologicon – a book on the theory of necromancy.
2. The Voerrecian Interpretations of the Ancestors – a book on necromancy.
3. Childred's Vivifective Sourcebook – a book on reanimating the dead.
4. Forma Pelluriana – a book on shape shifting.
5. Philip's Draconiforma – a book on shape shifting with an emphasis on dragons.
6. Miscellania Pyrologica – a book on miscellaneous fire magics.
7. Onin's Elementary Pyrotechnics – a book on explosive and elemental spells.
8. Anthologia Cryomantica – a book on ice spells and weather forecasting in winter.
9. Nevan's Codex Nevens – a book on snow magic.
10. The Collected Scrolls of the Chapter of Susurrations – a book on snake magic.
11. Principia Velenosa – the principles of poisons.
12. Childred’s Resurrected Works – a book on raising the dead.
13. Echo’s Soothing Chrestomathy – a book of healing and cleansing spells.
14. Indra’s Waters of Life – a book on healing draughts and rains.
15. Iz Sidri’s Manual of the Protection of Sacred Life – a book on hunting the undead.
16. De Aque Sancte – a book on holy waters of different sorts.
17. Jillian’s Phantasmagoricystica – a book on phantasmal spells.
18. Derigeur’s Mirror of Smoke – a book on illusion spells.
19. Salic’s Lex Sanguifecta – a book on the law of blood magic.
20. The Diary of a Leech – a book on blood magic and healing.
21. Piniped’s By the Sword of the Gods – a book on holy weapons and enchantments
22. The Crusade of the Interstices – a book on holy battle magic and travelling the Paths of the Voids.
23. Ulrik’s Monographia Insomniae – a book on nightmare magic.
24. The Umbral Tome – an anonymous book on shadow magic.
25. Iz Kronske’s Theoriae Petromantiae – on the theories of rock magic.
26. 2nd Principia Geomantica – the higher principles of earth magics, anonymous.
27. Hydromantia of Laurent od Sushotsk – an introductory tome of water magic.
28. Elementaria Aquatica – on water elementals.
29. Encyclopaedia Phytomantica – a compendium of plant spells.
30. Shrub Wizard for Life, by W. E. Bos – an overview of shrub and tree magic.
31. Portando il fine – anonymous book of death magic.
32. Lilander’s Entropia – a book of death and entropic magic.
33. De Rarum Daemonicum – a book on daemons and their summoning.
34. The Excorcist’s Cookbook – a book on fighting daemonic possession.
35. The Fires of Hell, by E. Quimble – a book on hellfire.
36. Codex Contegatiae – a collection of works on protective spells.
37. The Golden Armour of Nilnamur – a book on protective magic.
38. Magnifica Abjuratica – a poorly spelled book on more protective magic.
39. Filinda’s Tricks and Traps – a book of magic tricks and camouflage tips.
40. Der Doppelganger – a book on doppelgangers and the changing of faces.
41. Petra Alchimistica – a book on the philosopher’s stone
42. Solvents Versal and Universal – a book on acid magics.
43. The Arrow of Acid and Other Elixirs – a book on acid arrows and various odd elixirs.
44. Miffle’s Meta-metallurgica – a book on meta-metallurgy and alchemy.
45. Iota’s Energia Mystica – a book on spells of force.
46. Theresia’s Telekinaesthetics – a book on telekinetics.
47. Cooking Clerics, by W. Itch – a book of potion recipes for the budding witch.
48. De Orbis Malefex – a book on curses and evil eyes.
49. Tellurian’s the Mastery of Puppets – a book on voodoo and curses.
50. Riding the Lightning, by I. Stormborn – a book of electric spells and magics.
51. A Rare Light, by McFilinda – a book of light spells.
52. Principiae Lucens en Spectrals – a book on spells of the electromagnetic spectrum.
53. Channelling for Chumps, by U. Krum – an advanced book on war magic.
54. The Death Dealer – a semi-autobiographical book on battle magic.
55. Hippie Hexen Herbarium – a compendium of herbal potions and decoctions.
56. Opus Herbata – more herbal spells.
57. The Clock of Fate – a book on trapping elemental souls in clockwork cages.
58. Vaporous Layaboutry – a book on steampunk magic.
59. The Clockwork Goblin, by S. Tubbins – a book on automata.
60. Origen’s Exothermonomicon – a book on magical bombs.
61. Shilben’s The Perversions of the Mind – a book on psionic spells.
62. Handel’s Tabulations of the Razor – a book on domination and mind control.
63. Sachsen’s Magic Axe – a book of heavy metal bard spells.
64. The Thunder of the Gods – a book of loud sonic spells.
65. Karver’s Resilience of Rust – a book on the rust monster and the replication of its powers.
66. Cyclopedia Golemica – a book on the manufacture of golems.
67. I, Golem – a semi-autobiographical magic book on golem programming.
68. Wyrding for Women – a book on divination.
69. The Scissors of Life – a tome on astrology and curses.
70. The Seven Forbidden and Hidden Tomes of Unknown Contents: the Skin Book of Innumerable Eyes, Ulrik’s Gazes Beyond the Void, the Six Tongues of the Fast Stars, Origen’s The Stars Like Dust, Curiosites of de Vooid, Handel’s Calculations of the Immortal Mind, Krasius’ Rips in the Sail of Time.
71. The Perpidexicon of Knaardge - insane geometry and esoteric poetry (Chris Tamm)
72. Mysteries of True Form: A pamphlet on the regular solids and their magical connections to higher planes of existence. (Grey Knight)
73. Agamu's Matters Relating to the Care of Rulers: A carefully-worded treatise useful for those wishing to become an éminence grise.  Without going so far as to directly state anything incriminating, to the discerning reader the tome gives tips on controlling from behind the throne, including some subtle spells which superficially appear beneficial to the recipient. (Grey Knight)
74. A Booke of Babie-Catching - a lavishly illustratted twoe kolor toom desined fore de expert midwyf hoe woudde improewe haar skilles with severale jusefull spelles and ointments for Healing, de Easing off Paines, de Blessinge of Chinderens ande de Skaring Awaye off Eville Spiritts. (LR)
75. Deringle's Spelling in Spelles: a treatise on the importance of properly archaic spelling for maximum magical magnificence. (LR)
76. On The Discovery of Changelings : a worn folio illuminated manuscript describing the methods of finding out children and adults whose forms have been replaced by faerie creatures. None of the spells actually work or do anything. The book radiates subtle magic a la Nystul's Magic Aura (Noah Stevens)
77. Riobalt's On the Permutations of the Elements - a weighty alchemical tome on ways to transmute gold into other, less valuable metals and ores through the application of time and effort. (LR)
78. This collection of scrolls is marked with an ancient glyph for PROTECTION, and, on the inside, the words for BANISHING and DESTRUCTION in beautiful illuminated script. It seems at first reading a series of instructions for managing safety from various entities ranging from bothersome to evil. Upon closer reading, it is just that, only it's talking about ways to effectively secure your house from a variety of household pests and nuisances. Some of the suggested tactics are magical, others mundane. (Shoe Skogen)
79. Kaasandra's Tome of Prophecies Ignored - a pseudo-autobiographical work detailing the woe that befell those who did not heed the prophecies of Kaasandra of Nuurt. Among the dross are several useful spells for making people forget small things, like where they left the keys yesterday, as well as a rare version of the ancient Sumoninge of Sockes, which is a curse that removes one sock, never a pair, from the target's luggage, baggage, chest or wardrobe. :) (LR)
80. Fulster's Transnominacon - a tome with a lot of name magic, including spells for permanently altering the true names of other wizards, weakening their spellcraft. (LR)
81. Cereth's Manual of Nothing: creative uses for voids, holes, and absences of things.  Includes instructions on how to build your own "hole box", with which to collect holes from things.  Cereth recommends taking the keyhole from your house with you when you go out — you can even leave the key behind to confuse burglars a bit more!  Advanced topics include how to sew several holes together to make a net. (Grey Knight)
82. Zuiker's Pyscathonomica Profunda - seventeen different fish based magics and a guide to how to catch a fish without actually cheating very obviously. (LR)
83. The Loosening of the Arrow - a mystical work that describes archery and its practice, as well as several enchantments and evocations that aid the teaching and firing of arrows from a bow. (Noah Stevens)
84. Il Sas Domine by Peotra the Second - a tome on the properties of divine stones and the uses of standing stones in divine magic. (LR)
85. Beyond the  Studies of the Vermicelli Mentali or Mind Worms, sometimes translated as Mind of the Flying Spaghetti Monster  - those magics so corrupting that merely reading them lodges them in the magic users brain, where they corrupt him and drive him toward malign Kaos. (LR and Keith J Davies)
86. Lo! Apprehension of the Great Noodley One – a book of magic tricks, biology and numerology. (LR and Keith J Davies)
87. Biblia Pastariffica - over thirty-seven fully fledged pasta based magics, including the ritual for summoning Tensorio's Floating Plate of Pasta, capable of carrying up to 33 pounds of pasta, as well as Pelatio's Instant Pesto, which automagically transforms available ingredients into a thermally treated purée perfect for adding to cooked pasta. (LR) Teratic/Mythos version: including living creatures... but you are compelled to eat heartily. (Keith J Davies)
88. Kompendio Kompetitivo de Mensen Pugnalant - a compendium of spells to incite greater competitiveness in testosterone fuelled competitors, written in execrable vulgate by the Ringmaster Iu Dauron. (LR)
89. Movements of the Ents and the Magical Properties Thereof : a work in low Entish, or perhaps Sahaugin (in the 2nd edition) that describes a single spell that may be learned by studying the prolonged mating dances of Ents that sometimes take up to a thousand years to observe in their entirety (Noah Stevens)
90. The Temporal Compendium to the Movements of the Ents - includes a short discourse on trans-temporality and a spell for the chronopetrification of the participant, allowing him to observe an entire entish mating dance in the form of a petroglyph inscribed upon a cliff or other large, flat surface. (LR)
91. Zwibli's Schweinmenschen und Vogelfrauleinen - a short volume on defensive polymorphication and the determination of compatible animal forms for opponents.
92. Ariog od Tamakau's The Way of All Flesh - a grossly padded and voluble volume detailing magics for the creation of flesh golems and electrick zombies.
93. Sambana's Swordes of Soursery - a fascinating volume on all the different magical swords you will never possess as well as a recipe for crafting a sword +1½.
94. Elrick's of Yon Coult of de Blaue Oeyster - a treatise on planeswalking, limbo, black blades and the summoning of coultosauroses.
95. Historie of Daemons & Wizards, an Illustrated Compendium - a guide to different daemon summoners and what happened to them, also includes a do-it-yourself summoning ritual. Guaranteed safe or your money backe.
96. De Waggone Withoute Horses - a story by the half-mad wizard Necropius dealing with time-travel and meeting the "ghost in the shell".
97. Visshalt's Kompendium Delique Portee - a tome on the portals into the fae realms and certain fae spells.
98. Oeilburforse's Vilis a Levioribus Tractandis Hora Prandii - dealing with rapid and effective spells against liches as well as magic to keep dinner warm while you go adventuring.
99. Oot's Giokando Per Vintere - a tome of wine magic and how to regularly win while gambling, forbidden in most casinos.
100. Piniped's Eminently Useful Tome - a magical tome of numerous spells for dealing with poisons, digestive issues and other similar afflictions. Comes with fifty magically replenishing empty, thin, soft sheets of paper in the back of the book.
101. Bursting of the Chest - a guide to the many ways that the heart may break through love.
102. Two-hundred Names for Snow - a book that purports to summon the soul of snow.
103. A Tale of a False Horse - a tome dedicated to the transmogrification of the horse into the false horse.
104. The Naming of the Wrom - a collection of scrolls penned by the half-dyslexic wizzard Monomorphos of Mestemium, which may help bind a worm to the summoner.
105. The Bonding and the Beast - a treatise on the creation of an inhumane bond between warrior and warbeast, akin to the link between wizard and familiar, but more profoundly manly and warrior-like.
106. The Blade-Book of Mechthonos - a chtonic codex engraved on thirty-three copper daggers dedicated to the arts of blade-ah-sutra.
107. Nirvana for Nyarlhotep - a short collection of binary beads that provide enlightenment to extra-prismatic beings descending to the third dimensional plane.
108. The Zen of Motor Maintenance - a magic tome that teaches a cycle-wizard to power their cycle through sheer will, even after the body of the cycle has died.
109. Kolok's Cockles by V. Twine - a strange book on the soul-cycles of the common cockle vendors of the port of Kolok.
110. The Eleventh Age and the Comportment of the Psychopomps - a guide to how to behave around the guides leading the soul into the twelfth age. 

More Fighters (bit by bit)

In the post entitled, succinctly, "The Fighter", I described the basic Fighter of WTF and a few subtypes. I'm adding another subtype here.

Speed Freak
The speed freak's mind is like a compass, stopping at nothing. He's got fire in his pocket and he's lit up like a rocket, veins ablaze with the scurrying, urging, demanding need for speed.

• HD: 3d10
• HP: 20 + 3 * Con modifier
• Spells: cost 3 hit points or ability points per spell level, cantrips count as level one, rituals vary.
• Armor proficiency (roll d6): 1: light, 2: light and medium, 3: light and shields, 4: light, medium and shields, 5: shields only, 6: metal armors and shields only,
• Weapon proficiency: all weapons with a single damage die (so no great swords, they deal 2d6),
• Tools (roll d6): 1: mechanic's tools, 2: instrument (drums, bass guitar, trumpet or harmonica), 3: tinker's tools, 4: carpenter's tools, 5: gambling tools, 6: druggist's tools
• Saving Throws (roll d6): 1–2: Str and Dex, 3: Dex and Con, 4: Dex and Int, 5: Dex and Wis, 6: Dex and Cha,
• Skills: as per PHB (p. 72)

Starting abilities:

• Fighting Style (roll d6): 1: archery (+2 ranged), 2: dueling (+2 dmg with 1H weapon and no shield), 3: two-weapon fighting (add ability mod to second attack damage), 4: spear-fighting (+2 to hit with polearms), 5: dirty fighting (+1d6 sneak attack damage as thief), 6: pistolero (+2 dmg with pistols).
• Second Wind (as PHB 72) - self heal for 1d10 + 3 hp per short rest,
• Super Surge - two additional actions in a round, 1 times per short rest,

Speed Freak abilities:

• Faster and Faster - every time the speed freak rolls maximum damage on damage dice (e.g. 4 on a 1d4 or 13 on a 1d13), the speed demon gets an extra attack.
• Death Shot - can use reaction to make one final attack on being dropped to 0 hp, the death shot is an automatic critical if it hits.

Level up as fighter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7tTZTF2CyY

d62 Table: Plague Stalks These Lands

... and you encounter:

1. philosophers waiting in dread symposium for the plague to arrive, 
2. a sailor preaching the end of the world,
3. a boat beached on the shore, filled with torn sacks of corn and the corpses of plague rats,
4. a woman having visions of the spirits of the dead,
5. a vision - a spirit of a divine being walking silently, judgmentally,
6. a vision - a spirit of light striking this or that part of a person's body,
7. a man uttering the holiest of names trying to exorcise a spirit,
8. a holy sanctuary full of hungry refugees,
9. a sanctuary filled with the dying,
10. two bodies and a dying dog by a crossroad shrine,
11. a couple barricaded in their room, hiding,
12. a young seamstress crying for help, locked away in a cellar,
13. a shouting widower calling the spirits to take him,
14. a traveler beating a door, begging to be let in,
15. a dream of a spirit standing, looming, over a body,
16. a voice from the sky prophesying that your name is written among those about to be struck,
17. a peddler struck by a sudden seizure,
18. a wine merchant grabbed by a sudden fever,
19. a lethargic youth mumbling in waking fever dreams,
20. a beggar crying on the ground with buboes in the groin,
21. a violently delirious inn-keep,
22. a young woman lying in deathless sleep in a tower surrounded by thorn bushes,
23. a confused old lady who has forgot all who are familiar,
24. a pile of dead, buboed rats ripening in the sun,
25. a soldier lying neglected and comatose beneath a baobab tree,
26. a sleepless priest, victim of distorted, paranoid imagination,
27. an excitable student rushing here and there, crying at the top of his voice,
28. a hungry nurse with trouble eating,
29. a butcher mad with hunger throwing himself off a height,
30. a shepherd in great pain from swollen buboes,
31. a dying driver broken out in lentil-sized black pustules,
32. a maid suddenly vomiting blood as she speaks,
33. bodies stacked in the open like firewood,
34. a blood-soaked priestess lying next to a fresh grave,
35. a breeze that brings the stench of death,
36. a hungry ox lowing sadly, still yoked to a plough,
37. a ditch filled with bloated horses and dogs,
38. a ruined, burned out freehold,
39. a farmhouse full of desiccated corpses,
40. seven men and three women holed up in a villa, waiting out the plague,
41. an ignorant man peddling snake heads as a cure,
42. a large pile of clothes, blood-spattered,
43. a manor, closed off and barred, with music drifting from a window,
44. a friendly necromancer, skeletons carrying a large pot in tow,
45. a group drinking to oblivion in a tavern,
46. a candle shop, abandoned in haste,
47. a hangman who hanged himself,
48. a crone selling medicinal flowers and perfumes,
49. a cart with packages of pungent medicines and a dead cat,
50. a wagon full of dead rats and birds,
51. a gravedigger, philosophical and immune,
52. an abandoned nephew with a broken leg,
53. a sick builder killing himself in the street with a brick,
54. a quantity of bodies laud out at the door,
55. a trench with bodies stored like bales in a ship,
56. a canal filled with bloating corpses,
57. a raven perched on a skull, murmuring, "evermore,"
58. an ominous green comet glows sickly in the sky,
59. an unbeliever, hung for bringing the wrath of the spirits,
60. a well, poisoned by the dead,
61. a lynch mob after a local heretic poet,
62. a stockpile of food, contaminated by the corpse of its owner,
63. 
    

Flowchart Room Description - Stab 1 - Probably Insane

+Patrick Stuart drew a spatial representation of a room being described. He asked if we thought it was insane. I said I thought so (although, to be clear, I'm a big fan of Patrick Stuart and like his insane very much).

Anyway, I suggested using a flowchart to depict a room and +cole long and +Jacob Hurst wanted to see what it would look like.

So I made a flowchart for a single room (well, clearing in the woods).

... aaaaand I'm not sold on it. It could work, but I think it would still take a LOT of layout work and still likely be slower to read for a DM using this in a product than a note-form approach. Something like the Hackslashmaster approach or the Papers&Pencils approach.

I might be wrong. Am I wrong? Hm.

Session 40: Longwinter: End of the Underbaroness

We played our 40th session yesterday night and I learned a few things. I posted about it on Google+ and the post got long and then folks suggested I blog it so ... ok. Fine. Expanded repost.

The background to this session is basically this whole blog. Valleys, rivers, winter, artifacts.

A few days ago I was reviewing my point crawl and felt it had too many points. This was that point crawl, in node form:

Point crawl, node version.

The consensus was that I was being silly and didn't have a problem, that there weren't too many and that if I thought some were boring, I could just use them to have bad stuff happen there.

I ruminated and then spent about 10 minutes redrawing the point-crawl on A3 for my players to scribble on, spill food and drinks on.

This was that version 3:

Point crawl, version 3.

Anybody else notice that blogger html composer editing is really poor at layout?

OK, so that map started off the whole thread.

I guess it wasn't too many points. I trimmed a few of the more egregiously boring ones and made a few more loops. Full lines for cart-accessible routes, dashed lines for feet only, dotted for perilous terrain where you want a mule and don't bring along Grampappy MacDwarf, 'cos he's got a gimpy leg.

Each node is approximately 4 hours travel from another one, so a day's travel is two steps. In bad weather or terrain, a survival check determines if the travel is successful (so, potentially, a journey that should take 4 hours could end up really long if the PCs roll really badly). Getting lost is assumed to be included in that wasted time. Getting "really" lost is when you head off the node map.

Interestingly, I've found my games get better the less effort I put into my maps because I'm less invested in the artifact and materiality of the place - the unfolding adventure and gaming with friends becomes the heart of the product, not the map itself.

Here's a quick rundown of what happened at the table this week:

• Todd Odd, Royale and Salami purchased ice lice infested mine, 
• Hi John the Cultist stayed with Salami as his follower
• Belhak assassinated underbaroness Izolda of Gomilsk, 
• Todd Odd accepted a quest from Mongo Muti of the Cult of Indigogo to stop the Heresiarch of the Ultramarine cult in Vrelez, 
• Quinn got a lead on the whereabouts of her missing cat Sparklebutts, taken north by a filthy wildling,
• Quinn and Royale robbed a hospital, 
• lied to the militia (badly), 
• helped the militia, 
• achieved a 400 golden goat reward posted on the head of somebody who looks suspiciously like Belhak the Backstabber
• Belhak the Backstabber shaved
• Todd Odd the Doc did some dental work at the hospital, 
• The whole group went to the Funky Badger Karaoke, 
• They accepted the Count Mostar's grudging suggestion that he would accept a wishing orb for his curse-marked son,
• Royale got a letter of introduction to Count Rudolf of Rudvik,
• they met some filthy wildlings, 
• Lots of the PCs had a chit chat bribe session with the underbaronesses' butler, Herr Snoor,
• They went to Bunker Hill, 
• They drank Oscar's Spinal Chord, 
• They played with cats and goats,
• They learned that the difference between tsarists and wildlings was some very difficult to measure differences in average nose angle and face width-to-height ratios and about two bars of soap, hedge shears and less childhood malnutrition,

I don't really fully comprehend my players anymore, but oh well.

Crew: Belhak the Backstabber, Todd Odd "the Doc", Quinn Medicine Woman, Royale wit Cheese (bounty hunter), Salami et Rocquefort (bounty hunter).

Missing: Blanche de Namur, a warrior, the Necromancer Lawyer (forgot the name), another Warrior, another Thief

And here's a blow-by-blow account of how a hospital robbed, to give an impression of play style.

Me: after an (roll d6, comes up 5 not 1) uneventful voyage up the valley from Mostova you approach the little city of Gomilsk ... perched like a crown with it's white ring wall on top of an ancient Barrow from long long ago. Jutting up you see the temple of ... (point to players) ... what's it a temple of?
Royale w.C.: Kickstarter
Me: Seriously ... That's the best you can do?
Royale w.C.: Well, the other guy is the Cultist of Indigogo.
Me: Does anyone have something better?
Odd Todd the Doc: umm ... uhh ... wait ...
Belhak (the Backstabber): it looks like it's going to be Kickstarter
Me: Seriously?!
Salami w.R.: Shumashamashu
Me: What does that even mean?
Salami w.R.: I don't know! It's just not Kickstarter!
Belhak (the Backstabber): uh ... uhm ...
Me: Fine. Have it your way. The Temple of the Saint Kick Starter, who could start any chariot of the long long ago, even the Speed Demon V8, with a single kick. Anyway it's spires jut up and also the peak of the ... (point to player) where does Baron Boris III Borisov live?
Royale w.C. (excited): in a bunker!
Me: O_O ... ok, and the high chimney of the Bunker of Boris. It's said that it tunnels down into the belly of the Barrow, where the long dead of the long, long ago are buried. The Baron's father and grandfather led expeditions into the Belly, clearing out many of the filthy undead and automata that had been there, but the Mythic Underworld still occasionally belches forth, so the Baron lets adventurers go in for a small nominal fee of 1 golden goat per entry (at a silver standard of 20sp to 1gg, it's quite a fee).
Salami w.R.: ... wait, so they charge you to go in?
Me: yup.
Salami w.R.: They don't tax what you bring out?
Me: Nope, they don't care about that. They want the certain money.
Royale w.C.: So if we don't make it out, the baron still gets paid.
Me: Exactly.
Odd Todd the Doc: Are there any other services nearby?
Me: Sure, a graveyard, a hospice for the dying, a hospital for the living run by the Bloodletting Sisters of Mercy who also run a government sponsored health insurance system for adventurers, whereby they offer to take a 30% cut of the take (with a minimum franchise of 10 golden goats) for full healing.
Odd Todd the Doc: I go there to see if they have need of a dentist - i.e. Me!
Me: (roll dice) ... you come to the hospice and find two nurses in blood red wimples and seven patients (roll more dice) three of them had their teeth smashed in by a mace to the face. Ha! Mace to the face.
Quinn Medicine Woman: I ask them what happened.
Me: (mumbling like I had missing teeth) it just came out of the dark! Bump! It went bump in the dark and I was on my rear wiv my teef all flown! (back to normal voice) the others corroborate there was some big undead warrior with a mace and a big, totally dark shield that knocked their teeth out and left them for dead.
Belhak (the Backstabber): I offer my services for 10% of their take!
Me: 5%
Belhak (the Backstabber): 7%!
Me: Ok, they take your deal. (we roll dice and the final take is around 3 golden goats for a day's dentistry. Pretty decent) Right, guys, he's spending the day doing dentistry. What do you do?
Quinn Medicine Woman: So ... this is a hospital?
Me: Yes.
Quinn Medicine Woman: Do they have medicines and drugs?
Me: Of course, locked in the nurses' office in a few cupboards.
Royale w.C.: I can pick the locks! Um ... probably.
Quinn Medicine Woman: Ok, let's do it.
Me: Hang on, there are nurses all around, they'll see you. You need a distraction or something.
Quinn Medicine Woman: I have my cute cats and goats, I make them do tricks for the nurses.
Me:@_@... fine, roll Charisma or Animal Handling.
Quinn Medicine Woman: (rolls 12)
Me: Ok, they'll be distracted long enough for Royale w.C. to have one try, but if he mucks up too much, they'll notice.
Royale w.C.: I go for it. (rolls 17)
Me: Yeah, the ancient and much loved four-number combination lock would fool an illiterate yokel, but you're a heroic adventurer bounty hunter ... robbing a hospital. It doesn't stop you, the door falls open. The nurses are still enjoying Glitterdust and the Golden Goat playing with each other.
Royale w.C.: I quickly grab what I can.
Me: You toss what you can quickly into a bag ... we'll roll for what it was later, ok?
Royale w.C.: Ok.

... and that's pretty much how the hospital was robbed.

Usually bad puns or good plays also get accompanied by cheesy music.

NPCs of Longwinter, or at Least Some of Them

Names and descriptions and details can be swapped and I've separated them with em-dashes, but for layout purposes in this format, they're just listed.


Rudvik, the City of the Pit, the Silver City, the Guild Warren, built in the guts of the Gargantuan Golem Fact of the Long Long Ago. Suspended on the cliff above is an iron spider of a fortress, now the Home of Counting and Count

1. Counte Rudolf Rudov — the man with the golden hand and silver eye, his hands bedecked with rings, his abacus with beads of (1: amethyst, 2: emerald, 3: rubies, 4: sapphires, 5: garnets, 6: amber), his brow crowned with the Binary Bindlet.
2. Countess Krovela Rudolfova — the Counte's wife, who's skin is forever milky and young as the day they were wed by the Baron's grandfather.
3. Counteska Rudina Rudolfova — the Counte's daughter, some say witch, others wild thing. In truth she is (1: both, 2: neither, 3: a changeling, 4: a misunderstood goth).
4. Vizir Sokolov — the wizard of Rudvik, demons worry when he is near. He turns tears into joy, everyone's happy when he walks by.
5. Vaga — the death-dealer of Rudvik. Darkness stalks the steps of the death-dealer. Grown men become children in the presence of the death-dealer. The House of the Death-Dealer is surrounded by (1: shields, 2: skulls, 3: glass vials, 4: stone chimes, 5: silver-threaded copper coins, 6: feathers).
6. Moksijeva Maja — a noble fightress, tough and just.
7. Perimpepet — a brainy fellow, some would say a thief, he is a master of geomancy and mining.
8. Nur Gottlieb — a rustumi preacher-pundit.
9. Masad Obershtain — mason, builder and inn-keeper of the Sign of the Cog-clock.

Vrelets, the Sanatorium, the Village by the Marble Hall, built on the polychrome calcium ledge of the Great Hot Spring where even oranges may grow in the Dead Winter of the High Turan.

1. Jana Janova — the good-doctor of Vrelets, she brings sleep and peace to those who can do no more and administers the Rites of the Purple.
2. Ignobel Rosenberg — the mind-doctor of the Sanatorium, stitcher of souls and collector of dice.
3. Nedred Shvab — a noble fighter, strong and hardy.
4. Ostina Ostra — a smart lass, her wit sharper than her knife, but not by much. She would be a fox.
5. Niza Visoka — matron and mistress of the blood bush plantation of the Marble Head.

Gomilsk, the City of the Baron, the High Town, built on a barrow and a bond of blood.

1. Baron Boris III Borisov — blood-trothed ruler of the Vale of Saint Nom, a (1: kind, 2: harsh, 3: just, 4: oblivious, 5: scholarly, 6: arrogant) man out of his depth in games of strategy, but intensely good at games of luck. A rich man, he wants for a wife.
2. Baronovitsch Boris IV Borisov — the bastard son is not a bastard but a nerd. A seeker after knowledge, a delver into the barrow below the town.
3. Vera Plava — the fairest girl born of the Three Maidens of the Temple in living memory. Why does the Baron not take her? She loves (1: ivory, 2: hunting, 3: chess, 4: guns) but is (1: viciously smart, 2: spoiled rotten, 3: gentle as a lamb, 4: possessed of an ancient wraith).
4. Kanzler Rudolf Valentinov — headman of the Valentinov clan, advisor to Boris. He collects ancient tomes, is kind to cats and hates boys.
5. Haydn the Old — believer, preacher, spy.
6. Philby Philbyyev — khan's ambassador, connoisseur of rabbits and berrywine.
7. Morya Svetla — artifact merchant and calligrapher. Purveyor of fine amulets. She was abandoned by a dog in the dirt.
8. Ulvar Silbershtain — hydraulic priest of the Steam Demon.
9. Vincente de Biro — the bureaucratic head-tender of the Pneumatic Inn  and Brothel. Has a thing for the rabbit races.
10. Mossy Moz — there's taverns and there's taverns. This is one of the taverns. Flying axes are free.
11. Underbaroness Izolda — a tragic tale surrounds her, like a grim dress. One of woe and a lover lost.
12. Vod — a noble fighter, courageous and fine.
13. Medo — a smarmy wizard, purveyor of Toads and Toad charms, master of the pseudomantic school.
14. Lado Bezgov — roguish and dashing, with a dagger of gold and a dagger of dragon bone and a fiddle so fine, it makes grown women weep.

Mostova, the Big Bridge, the Bridge of Giants, the Enormous Living Stone Bridge, seriously, it's a town on a huge bridge built in the long, long ago.

1. Sheriff Leni — a jovial santa of a man with a dark past to overcome.
2. Counte Verruca Mostar — the man with the iron heart and the Gauntlet of Grimace who loves cats for the mysteries they bring.
3. Elena Trojska — the Purple Gunsmith. She betrayed a friend once. There are no bodies.
4. Mushter — a pair of legs that open up like butterfly wings and a mad dog that wouldn't sit still. But a doctor's a doctor, even if his speciality is rusty proctology.
5. Alfred Zorov — Zoro's House has beds, Zoro has a bar, his wife trades in curios. Worthless trinkets, you understand?
6. Jovan Vrv — a basketman does his thing, but a basketmaster runs the elevators to the river cold down below.
7. Oriana Diana — necromancer and lawyer, bringer of closure and wills. There's a parchment with her name on it. There's a locket clasped in the hands of a drowned deep one.
8. Elvis Dirtnap — he plays his (1: banjo, 2: guitar, 3: bass guitar, 4: violin, 5: piano, 6: guillotine) in the bar every third night, when he needs to forget.
9. Muti Mnogo — some cults are fun, some cults have mysteries. This cult has (1: fun weeds, 2: fun mushrooms, 3: fun incantations, 4: child sacrifice). Muti likes red and green.
10. Raven Girl — she plays with the ravens in the Circle of the Black Glass and nobody disturbs her.
11. Ebenezar Skrudjeyev — the Grand Toll-Master of the bridge, bearer of many chains, master of coin, mint and tea. He loves a good tale and collects old books.

Oak-that-bleeds-and-sings, the Longest House, the Hall of Horror and Home, hidden in the Pines where the Cold Wind "Reza" blows and cuts the flesh of evil men off their bones.

1. Chief Owlfox — bold and red-haired, the temptress of the woods, the soft-eyed widow who loves a good skirt and sharp knife. 
2. Chief Hawkbear — cunning and dark, bulky and grim, a shadow bringing firewood or death from the dark. He sees men's souls but is afraid of women.
3. Boris Turtledove — witchman, wizardwoman, shawls and feathers and thick furs. Man or woman, it's not clear, but reading the burnt bones is her art.
4. Karl Tree — a tree with the soul of a man, a man with the soul of a tree. Walk this way.
5. Boneman Grim — how can one die when one's soul has been cleansed of flesh?
6. Littlefox —so tempting, her tail so long. Her smile melts warriors' hearts.
7. Jane — an outlaw who likes big guns.
8. Shaman Owlfalcon — shaman and mushroom hunter.

The Last Trading House, the Green Bubble, the Most DFG Palace, clasping the marbled canyon walls like a demented translucent jelly-bird.

1. Vizkont de Konti — third licensed silver merchant of the House of the Fourth Leg,
2. Graham Schmidof — chicken-eating silversmith,
3. Velisa Darteu — beady-eyed jeweler of the Velvet Sisterhood,
4. Koliste Four-Two — khan supervisor with the big belt buckle and the mirrored eye,
5. Miszko Temni — smaller burdenbeast merchant in speckled fur,
6. Slavoshkrat Benzinov — glittering tinker artificer and karaoke star,
7. Origen Kanalov — swaggering artifact merchant with the poncho and the feathered clock,
8. Imba Takozela — leather-clad scholar from among the (1: rustuman, 2: petrograd, 3: morjanska, 4: turalia, 5: wolf-folk of the black wood, 6: white canyon),
9. Polona de Marko — spy, tailor, sailor and international trader of mystery,
10. Ibis Motel — smooth-talking flour-chucking food merchant with a cart of (1: boiled leeches, 2: broiled leeks, 3: grilled lima beans, 4: sautéed lemon-fish, 5: flambéed lobster, 6: fresh linear accelerated-growth lion-strip),
11. Kapsikun Kundarov — militiaman with the clockwork heart,
12. Petra do Pijer — churchman of the (1: rustuman leveller, 2: tsarist hierarchist, 3: petrogradist poly-sacralism, 4: kentauri shamanism, 5: shkraeti pragmatism, 6: potnik sweat-lodge vision fatherhood) persuasion with a gilded monocle,
13. Ozrik Tamogled — fanatical lay rustuman leveller (1: carpenter, 2: shoemaker, 3: levite, 4: soldier, 5: roundhead, 6: turncoat),
14. Elbreht Adamov — ruin explorer mumbling incoherently and tapping with a metal leg,
15. scavenger with a wooden pistol and pet (1: cat, 2: rat, 3: clockwork hat, 4: dire rat, 5: animated mat, 6: bat),
16. Vina de Vin — moustache-twirling restauranteur and cheese maker,
17. Angela Merser — pleasure mercer with red shoes and a (1: boudoir, 2: synth-sensorium, 3: opium bowl, 4: rolling papers, 5: fine wines, 6: smoked shifter meat),
18. Tabor Three-Three — kentauri fighter swaggering without a care in the world,
19. Onda Tako — friendly and almost discrete agent of the (1: viles, 2: viladrines, 3: moss-fuckers, 4: tree-huggers, 5: vile bastards, 6: deathless doppelgangers),
20. Djet — mysterious stranger known as (1: traveler, 2: walker, 3: jack, 4: jane, 5: loper, 6: stinker).

The Last Trading House is a joint enterprise of the Baron's Bullion Company and the Khanal Silver Company built in the shell of an ancient builder DFG palace (spheroid subtype B) in the Most Canyon.

Longwinter 1 vs. Longwinter 2

The original icebox.

About five years ago I ran my first Longwinter sandbox (or rather "icebox") game with my Tolmin D&D group. We used a cobbled-together Microlite variant I assembled after giving up on 4th Edition. It was one of the most fun campaigns I ever had, a time-limited survival-horror game of dwindling resources and sudden death in the cold, frozen wilderness.

This year I've decided to revisit the setting with my current D&D group, the Golden Goats. I replicated part of the experience by lightly re-skinning 5th Edition to have everyone start at 3rd level and not proceed far beyond 5th level (WTF!). Right off the bat I ran into the fun experience of the icebox morphing into something weird and different.

The original Longwinter was a grim, slightly viking-infused slog of ice and snow, axes and crossbows among the long-rotted ruins of a formerly advanced civilization.

The new Longwinter game has quickly become a pseudo-slavic spaghetti-western romp of pistols and great swords in a gold-rush setting of jostling humanities plundering and rediscovering the leftovers of an alien civilization (Picnic at the Roadside, Stalker).

With bad jokes. Many, many bad jokes.

But that's just how different groups run, and it's great. However, I've also run into other interesting game design challenges.

1. Wilderness survival is not much fun with this group. Tracking details doesn't help and just gets in the way of the loose and silly game we usually run. I need to find a better mini-game for this than the list of loot and equipment and prices and space requirements D&D usually requires.
2. My original icebox (see above) was built before I had as much experience with this kind of game. It had A LOT of locations (I count around 29) and I'm discovering that's too much. I can't keep them all straight in my head, and I don't have the time to prepare them all. Not to mention, the players just aren't going to see most of them. Realistically, we do about 0.5 locations per session.

What's one to do?

Copper memorite being held back by descendant.

6d6 Very Bad Prophecy Bad Quests

Kill the King with the

1. translated works of Heftum the Major.
2. incense of the half-hazarded lotus of happenstance.
3. golden tangerine of the Tulibrideis.
4. point of the mystic tooth of the Glowing Unidont of the Crystal Crater.
5. stone that held the sword.
6. ineffable wit of Fitzminster the Fool.

Crucify the Count with the

1. onion of Bitter Regret.
2. glazed chalice of Massiris the Manumited.
3. cockatrice of Baells.
4. cornucopia of the Gleaming Siren of the Red.
5. swaggering sword of Blue.
6. foreskin ornament of the Speed Demon.

Dismember the Duke with the

1. dogs of the demon lords Turmoil and Gastric Distress.
2. puce pulver of the dusty library of Es Borg.
3. hammer of mighty blunt-faced Thak.
4. chariot of clouds and rainbows of Jesus-Thor of the Unicorn Battalion.
5. snicketty shadows of the snarky salamander.
6. eggshell of the last egg of the first dragon Guy Roy.

Behead the Baron with the

1. badger of Three Trees.
2. bucket of Myrio the Minor.
3. fourteenth expectoration of the Ettin of the Etiolated Ridge.
4. cudgel of Cugel the Quick.
5. fizzling anti-acid tablet preserved in the casket of Charon the Navigator.
6. tree of the Holy Badger.

Murder the Marquis with the

1. money pouch of Titian the Truculent.
2. green halberd of Holding.
3. cold bamboo rod of tranquility.
4. map of the mysterious maquis of Mezzanotte.
5. pearl of Offal.
6. snail shell of the foaming Love Goddess.

Execute the Emperor with the

1. pylon of pink smoky quartz depicting the Ascendancy of Max.
2. stabby sword of Budzo the Bold.
3. crown of pure coal.
4. breastplate of the Execution of Improbabilities Twice.
5. tree of everglistening needles.
6. haddock of Hell.

Worms That Fight

Bearded blubber worm, AC: 10, HD: 8d12 (52 hp), Speed: Slow 20' (sudden extension),

Abilities: sudden extension (as a free action stretches up to 30' to attack a target and possibly pull it back), grappling beard (bitten enemy must save vs. paralysis or be entangled in the blubber worms blubby beard, entangled enemies are automatically attacked by soft slurping maw every round), blubber (takes no damage from bludgeoning weapons and half damage from slashing weapons), swallow (swallowed enemies must save vs. sleep each round and take 1 damage per round)

Attacks: +8 soft slurping maw 1d4 (swallows on a roll of 1), +5 rolling coils of blubber 2d6 (knock prone on a roll of 7, can attack up to 3 adjacent enemies with coils of blubber).

Bunny-eared bendy worm, AC: 10 (16 head), HD: 6d12 + 6 (45 hp), Speed: Slow 20' (sudden extension) or burrow (10'),

Abilities: sudden extension (as a free action stretches up to 20' to attack a target and possibly bite off a limb), nippy teeth (on a natural 15 to 20 it bites off a weapon or shield from the target, if the target has no weapon or shield, it's a hand that goes down the gullet), tough head (takes half damage from attacks to head, frontal ray or missile attacks have a 50% chance of being reflected), eruption (attacks from under the ground, high chance to surprise, deals 2d6 damage to all creatures within 15' from flying debris, save vs. knockdown), pull into tunnel (if it grabs a target to eat, it will pull it back into its burrow and try to escape with its meal).

Attacks: two bites in quick succession +9 nippy bite 2d8 (bites off item or limb on 15–20) and +7 grabby careful bite 1d4 and meal is 'grappled' (+7 to worm's grapple roll, additional 1d8 non-lethal damage per round).

Attacking the Bunny-eared bendy worm when it's carefully holding onto its meal has a 50% chance of hurting the meal.

Largiferous Leech of the Lich, AC: 8, HD: 6d12 + 1 (40 hp), Speed: Slow 20' (leap 'n' flip) or swim (30'),

Abilities: leap 'n' flip (leap up to 20' feat away, and on landing spin up to 180º doing 2d8 crushing damage in a 20' radius, save Dex DC 12 for half, free suckle attack after leap 'n' flip), writhing death throes (on 0 hp keeps writhing and dealing 1d8 crushing damage in a 10' radius for 1d8+1 rounds, save Dex DC 12 for half), blood is health (gain temporary hp equal to amount drained).

Attacks: +6 sucky suckle 3d6 (causes heart attack on a roll of 1, 1, 1) and +7 flabby whumpf 1d8 crushing damage.

A Largiferous Leech that feeds to bursting (suckles until its hit points total 100) erupts in a fountain of blood and gore, leaving at its core a innocent blood-omened child, drawn from across time and space to wade through rivers of blood and paint the heavens red with the lamentations of the weak and the wicked.